Some years ago a friend came under intense accusation. The accusations were untrue. But he lost his ministry position.

Later in the very day when he left that ministry, my friend’s mom found his dad on the floor of the hallway in their home. He had collapsed. He was moaning, “My son, my son.” Five months later, the man was dead.

I wonder if my friend’s accusers thought through in advance what the full human impact of their pursuit would be.

Well, that made me determine that, for the rest of my life, I will try to be cautious when I don’t know all the facts. People can be badly hurt by false accusations. They can also be hurt by injustices that are never confronted. Both are harmful. And isn’t that what we all want — to protect all innocent people from harm?

But leaping to conclusions doesn’t help. Foundational to justice is the difference between an accusation and a fact. The moment we overlook that distinction, we risk unleashing our own injustices, no matter how wrong anyone else might later prove to be.

May God be honored and his people holy.

I’ve read that before you engage in something that might be gossip, you should ask yourself three questions: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? I think this would rule in talking about, for instance, child abuse, and rule out hypothesizing that somebody is cheating on their spouse.

Another example of mis-defined gossip example can occur when sexual abuse is exposed to church leaders. Sometimes those church leaders go in defense mode trying to squelch all conversation related to the incident. Talking about this sex abuse situation is considered “gossip”. The reality is that if there is a case of sex abuse, it needs to be discussed. People must be notified to discover the extent of the abuse, safeguards must be put in place, the environment must be an open one in which all feel free to discuss what happened and what can church/families do to protect children.

Additionally, victim’s family sometimes are abandoned by their friends because people are afraid to provide support lest the support be labeled as “gossip.” I know of such a case in which an entire family was essentially shunned because of the “no-talk, gossip” rule. They were abandoned by church leaders and the church body eventually moving out of the area to escape this treatment. They are now afraid to try church again because of this horrific experience.

And finally, I believe many high level and popular church leaders are redefining the word “gossip” in their mind to justify inaction on their part by calling out abuse that they know has been going on among their peers/colleagues. Shame on them.

I think it would be good to further define what gossip is, and what it is not, from a biblical perspective. Something like that should precede a post like this one, so what you are saying is understood in proper context.

A commentor on Ray Ortlund’s 2009 post you reference had some good insite along these lines:

Ray Ortlund:
“Thanks, Curious.

A great place to begin on the tongue, both its duties and its sins, is the Westminster Larger Catechism on the ninth commandment. You’ll find it in questions 143-145. Its teaching is profound, detailed, brief.”

Curious:
“Thanks for the guidance to Q. 145. The hard part is to know when to apply this portion: “The sins forbidden in the ninth commandment are, …concealing the truth, undue silence in a just cause, and holding our peace when iniquity calleth for reproof from ourselves, or complaint to others…”

Since motivation is important, yet sometime difficult to discern in others, it would seem easier to label certain statements gossip than it is to show why, unless of course it easy to show it is false or has no redeeming purpose. I’ve seen a church split where leaders called it gossip and the thoughtful ‘discontents’ (including ordained leaders) called it a just cause. The truth was not in question, but the seriousness of the problems was.

Baxter and others probably have some guidance that I’ve not been able to assess yet. Let me know if you have other thoughts on understanding this dilemma.”

They are a little bit in your face, but then gossip is a very damaging thing to engage in. And people really know better when they do it.

Maybe if you want to be a little bit gentler you could say, “Let me stop you – I don’t think this is any of my business.” But it’s hard not to be harsh when you’re calling somebody out for this.

Really? More destructive than the sexual abuse of children and the subsequent cover up?