Guest Blogger: Jason Helopoulos

Marriage is hard work and can be painful. And being a Christian couple does not somehow make it easy or take away the prospect of hurt. Whether we are atheists or Christians, we are still sinners living under the same roof and that can make for tight quarters. It is a reality that those we love the most have often caused us the greatest amount of pain and we them. This is just the reality of love and families. The greater our love the greater the possibility there is to hurt one another. While being a Christian couple does not make marriage easy or pain-free, we do have some great advantages that should make it easier and healing. These are just a few of the things that come to mind:

  • We know that our battle is not against flesh and blood, so marital conflict can become us against it rather than me against you (Eph. 6:12)
  • We know forgiveness that overcomes any offense , so we can extend forgiveness for any injury our spouse can inflict (1 John 1:9)
  • We know that we are sinners, so we can respond with grace when our spouse calls us out for being hurtful (Rom. 310; 1 John 1:9)
  • We know the need to repent from sin, so we can be quick to respond when we see our fault (Col. 3:1-17)
  • We have experienced love that surpasses what we deserve, so we can be emboldened to love beyond what our spouse deserves (Eph. 3:17-21; John 15:12)
  • We have a bridge-groom who loves us completely though knowing us intimately, so we can love our spouse unreservedly though they have many faults (Col. 3:13; 1 John 4:10)
  • We have been given the greatest of gifts , so we know that we can continue to give to our spouse and never exceed what we have already received (Eph. 2:8-9)
  • We know that self-sacrifice merits blessing, so we are able to give of ourselves  in a way that is uncommon (Is. 53:5; John 15:13; Eph. 5:25-33)
  • We have benefited from suffering, so we can be comforted in knowing that suffering, even in marriage, is and will be for ultimate good (Rom. 5:3-5; Rom. 8:28)
  • We know the well-spring and fountain of all love, so we know from where we can draw when we seem empty (1 John 4:8; 1 John 4:28)
  • We know peace which surpasses understanding, so even when a marriage is facing troubled times we know that we can enjoy an inner peace (Is. 26:3; Eph. 2:14; Phil. 4:7)
  • We know that our God is the God of all grace, so we can hope and persevere in the face of circumstances in which others might fold (Rom. 5:4; 1 Pet. 5:10)

Dear Christian couples, remember all this and more. But above all, remember that God is good and your spouse is a gift! Persevere in hope, struggle together, love deeply, forgive often, repent quickly, and rejoice in the little things. Love the wife/husband of your youth (Prov. 5:18).

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Comments:


9 thoughts on “Pain & Christian Marriage”

  1. lhw says:

    No comments? Is it because it is the day before Thanksgiving, or is it because this leaves most of us with nothing to say? An impossibly high standard, but, alas, a completely Biblical one. Thank you, Jason. Our only hope–and guarantee–is God’s indwelling Spirit. He will not give up.

  2. Jason Dollar says:

    Your list is encouraging and all true. However, there are so many Christian couples who are, no doubt, discouraged by such a list. (I’m not saying the list should be compiled, but rather am just stating a fact). The problem lies in the inability to obtain the good things mentioned there for various reasons. It is probably important to realize that the mere fact of embracing Christ by two individuals does not automatically a good marriage make.

  3. Althea LeBlanc says:

    Thank you, Jason!

  4. As married couples we need to read these often with our spouse to grow the spiritual intimacy between us. One of the toughest areas I have seen for many couples is to read the Bible, devotional, or other materials together and then pray. Having been someone who was like that I can relate to those who are struggling. Once we made the time and committed ourselves to doing this I can say that it is truly an amazing experience for both of us.

  5. Jake says:

    Great post, Kevin. The reminder of forgiveness is always relevant to a strong marriage.

  6. Reema says:

    Thank you for the post.was really helpfull

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Kevin DeYoung


Kevin DeYoung is senior pastor of University Reformed Church (RCA) in East Lansing, Michigan, near Michigan State University. He and his wife Trisha have six young children. You can follow him on Twitter.

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