Feb

02

2013

Kevin DeYoung|4:52 pm CT

Super Bowl Predictions

I can save you a lot of time and a lot of punditry by telling you right now that after the Super Bowl you will hear that the winner was determined by some combination of the following:

  • Winning the turnover battle
  • Establishing the run
  • Protecting the pocket
  • Special teams
  • Making big plays

And if you are looking for more detailed analysis, I can tell you the 49ers will win because…

  • They executed their game plan
  • They came ready to play
  • They controlled the line of scrimmage
  • The Ravens had no answer for the read option

Or that the Ravens will win because…

  • They didn’t let Kaepernick beat them with his legs
  • Joe Flacco played mistake-free football
  • They were the better team tonight
  • It was a magical ride

To really impress your friends, try seasoning your conversation with statements like these:

  • I can’t believe the 49ers have never lost a Super Bowl.
  • There they go with the pistol formation again.
  • Man, does he have a lot of arm strength.
  • This must be such a roller coaster for Jack and Jackie.

And if this expert analysis is too much for you, just remember, above all else, these two things:

  • This is Ray Lewis’ last game.
  • Jim and John Harbaugh are brothers.

Failure to recall these two facts will leave you thoroughly embarrassed.

So there, now you know everything you need to know and why everything turns out the way it does. The only suspense left is to see whether Beyonce sings for real.

10 Comments

  1. Becoming a huge fan of Kevin’s irony!

  2. Thanks for spoiling the ending. Jerk.

  3. Because I do not actually know anything about the game of football, and because I am not interested enough to educate myself, I am going to take this post literally and use the above phrases during the Superbowl. Thank you Kevin DeYoung.

  4. Bryan Zichterman

    Well done Kevin, and spot on.

  5. Thanks Kevin… Now I can skip the pre- and post-game fare. The only point in tuning in is to watch the commercials. Oh yes, I almost forgot… they’re already on the web. At least there’s pizza here…

  6. I just used the line about the 49ers never losing a superbowl and felt so smart. You’re my hero, Kevin DeYoung. (I’m such a bad wife, I don’t know anything about football, even though I’m pretty sure football is my husband’s “love language.”) Just wait till I really get going with these phrases, he’s going to be so impressed. THANKS!!!! :)

  7. I’m grateful for this analysis, because I won’t likely see a minute of the game (not even the commercials).

  8. It never ceases to amaze me how grand the big show is. As a Broncos fan, we were disappointed that Peyton & co did not make it there.I will be very surprised if the 49ers do not win.

  9. You got everything right, except you forgot the part about the power outage! haha, almost had it…

  10. [...] While this is a few days late, I loved Kevin DeYoung’s Super Bowl Predictions filled with lots of “coach speak” and ways to make yourself look [...]

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