Here we are–the last week before the fantastic final four. There was some controversy about whether last week’s competition was rigged in favor of G.I. Joe. But I can assure you I did not like any of the cartoons offered last week. And apparently, few of you liked them either. Nevertheless, someone had to win, and that someone was G.I. Joe with 47% of the vote. Thundercats had a strong showing at 31%. He-Man was respectable at 20%. And She-Ra garnered 1 vote from a brave soul out there; 0% of the vote.

Who will join Duck Tales, Pinky and the Brain, and G.I. Joe in next’s week’s final? Whichever cartoon can make it through the vaunted Fighting Robotics Division.

You’ll have until Tuesday morning to vote.

1. Go-Bots
Pro: It wouldn’t take much to memorize thes lyrics
Con: A monkey could have written these lyrics (“The Go-Bots!”)

2. Transformers
Pro: The iconic “More than meets the eye”
Con: A lot of strange, mechanical transforming noises; struggles to find a consistent meter

3. Voltron
Pro: Encouraging to see the good planets of the solar system working together for a change
Con: I can’t believe Optimus Prime did the intro for Voltron

4. Mask
Pro: Nice to have an actual song again, vintage 80s sound
Con: vintage 80s sound

Yes, it’s Monday again, and that means another week of high-stakes cartoon competition. Pinky and the Brain was our winner from Week II with 34% of the vote. Animaniacs nipped Tiny Toons for second place, 24% to 23%. Muppet Babies had a decent showing, but still finished last with 17% of the vote.

This week we meet four new competitors in the “Good-Guys-Saving-the-Universe” division. Voting will last until Tuesday morning. Let the games begin.

1. He-Man
Pro: “I have the power!”, Skeletor’s laugh, shares name with a family of Levitical musicians
Con: Not really a song per se, the bowl cut has got to go

2. She-Ra
Pro: Pretty funky sound, nice to see He-Man’s sister tackling her own problems
Con: It’s She-Ra

3. Thundercats
Pro: Whenever you have fighting felines the cool factor is very high
Con: I was allergic to this cartoon

4. G.I. Joe
Pro: A real American hero!
Con: Vocals (I use the term loosely) are a little pitchy.

You can ask my wife, I hesitated on whether or not to do this Battle of the Cartoon Theme Songs. It is supposed to be fun, but it may not exactly scream gravitas. Oh well, maybe it’s a good idea not to take yourself so seriously.

But I do want the important things discussed here to be taken seriously. So in order to avoid the awkward juxtaposition of, say, a 9-11 montage next to a cartoon poll, I’m only going to keep the poll up until tomorrow morning. So call your friends and neighbors and have them vote before I leave for work tomorrow morning.

With those preliminaries out of the way, I can announce that Duck Tales won its division handily with over 50% of the vote. Gummi Bears came in second with 20%, then Tailspin with 14%, followed by Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers in last place with 13%.

This week is the “Warner-Brothers-Cartoons-I-Was-Too-Old-For-But-Still-Watched-Occasionally” division. I could only come up with three good entries in this category, so you’ll notice one cartoon definitely doesn’t belong here. But, I guess the fourth cartoon still deals with small creatures, so that’s what holds it all together.

Here are the four competitors for this week.

1. Tiny Toon Adventures
Pro: Good rhyming scheme
Con: Hard to top the original Looney Tunes

2. Animaniacs
Pro: Bill Clinton plays the sax, baloney in our slacks, play for pay contracts
Con: A bit exhausting

3. Pinky and the Brain
Pro: “Same thing we do every night, try to take over the world.” Classic.
Con: Does not exactly appeal to the better angels of our nature.

4. Muppet Babies
Pro: Very singable with a warm sock-hop feel
Con: Inter-species romance

Now this is really important. Over the next few weeks we are going to have a little fun voting on the best cartoon theme songs. I know, there are hundreds of cartoons to choose from, but since this is my blog, and because I’m guessing a lot of my readers are around my age, I decided to pick from among the cartoons I remember watching as a kid. So as not to completely waste lots of my time I’ve limited that Cartoonorama to 16 theme songs divided into four divisions. I’ll unveil one division per week, culminating in the fifth week with a final four showdown of epic proportions.

The first division is the Disney-Spin-Off division. There are four strong challengers.

1. Duck Tales
Pro: Solid beat. Very singable. Entertaining montage of avian hijinks.
Con: A few words are indecipherable. Sounds like Wham!

2. Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers
Pro: High production quality. Musically interesting.
Con: A lot of stuttering.

3. Tailspin
Pro: Animal protagonists are a step up from ducks and chipmunks. The jungle-beat rap at the end is pure gold.
Con: Rap section is too short. Not a lot of going on lyrics wise.

4. Gummi Bears
Pro: Good use of alliteration. Soaring melody. Practically summons you to sing along.
Con: Tries a little too hard at times (e.g., “High adventure that’s beyond compare…”). Makes me hungry for sweet, chewy mammals.

So here’s the deal. I’ve added a poll over on the left side of this blog. Watch the four theme songs and then cast your vote. Next Sunday night I’ll close the poll, and then on Monday I’ll announce who moves on to the final four and introduce the next division.