The issue came up recently when an expat lady contacted some friends to conduct the funeral of her husband who was English and wanted the service led by an "Anglican" minister. No Anglican minister around, so they fell back on the nearest evangelicals they knew. For various reasons, I didn't feel I could do it, but I'll consider this again before it happens again.

The point I think to be valid is that funerals and weddings at least in this culture (I am in the Northeast) are not places to be "preachy." In other words, I try to present the truth of the gospel in a way that sounds as if I am "using" this occasion (funeral or wedding) to preach "my" message "at" people. Now, some might argue that we should never sound preachy or preach "at" people. I understand. Yet, these occasions call for extra efforts to avoid such tendencies. It's just more effective (and frankly more humble and compassionate) to present truth in a dialogue or sharing style in moments like this.

I am not at all saying one should not be courageous and clear about what God has done for us in the gospel but that we should sympathetically enter the struggles of our contemporaries in a way that conveys our shared humanity in both the Imago Dei and our fall from glory. I believe it would be the epitome of either a calloused heart or a man-pleasing fearful one for a pastor to leave the gospel out of a funeral. I certainly hope he would not think he has anything better to tell folks! But "how" we do it is of great importance. Do they sense I identify with the dilemmas we all face as we live, suffer, die and grieve? Do they hear from me not one who is speaking "at" them or one who talks "among" them? Yet for a minster of the gospel to keep the hope of the gospel to himself in the face of life and death should be unimaginable.

As to weddings, I always converse with the couple on how "we" would like to bring the gospel to their loved ones. Then I say, "We" (me, bride and groom) we're talking about this and they would like you to know that today is the second most important day of their lives (the first being the day of salvation) and I tell their story in a way that doesn't exalt them to a special status (it is the gospel after all) but shares the importance they place on being in a right relationship with God through their merciful Savior. In other words, I present the message "through" them. If I come off as if I am using their big day to preach my message, I am unnecessarily inviting people to reject what I say.

In funerals, the focus (unless we are celebrating departure to glory) is not on the destiny of the dead but the opportunity of the living. As Ecclesiastes 7 reminds us: "Death is the destiny of all men and the living should take it to heart."