Aug
02
2012
Some Basic Thoughts on Manhood: Work, Again
A couple days ago, we continued our series of basic thoughts on manhood by taking a look at work and manhood. I suggested that based on Genesis 1-2, what we call “work” is essentially God’s charge to mankind to “tend and take care of” the creation. Work orients us to creation as stewards, and specifically we are stewarding the glory of God since the aim is to fill the earth with God’s glory. We didn’t argue for a list defining “man’s work”, but tried to raise some general principles. This is a series on “basic thoughts” after all, and I am not the expert on manhood.
The ensuing conversation in the comments thread was a really good one, raising a couple issues I thought it might be helpful to address in this post. So, here we go, work, again, from someone trying to get his hands around “manhood” and is inviting you to think out loud with him.
What about School Instead of Work
One brother asked in the previous post:
What say you regarding the man who chooses to go to school, i.e. seminary for some years while his wife works? Is his training work?
Good question. Here’s my original reply, which on further discussion seems inadequate and in need of more comment:
Good question: Is his training work? Well, it’s at least work training
. I don’t know that we need to call it work in order to justify it. Such cases will be temporary, and many cases will involve the man working as well as attending classes. I don’t think such a situation is sin and it may be the best investment of time in order to secure better work and ability to provide in the future. So, I suppose it’s an investment rather than work.
I think I assumed too many things in that comment, which, gratefully, later comments revealed. So, let me try to add a couple things.
I do think of graduate education as another form of work training. I didn’t always think that. When I filed my plan of study for my PhD program, I visited a committee member for her signature. She asked me a couple questions like: “Why are you getting a PhD? What kind of work are you currently doing? Is it the work you want to do? Are you good at it?” I think I mumbled something like: “You’re supposed to get a PhD in psychology; you can’t do much in the field without one. I love what I’m doing and, yeah, it seems like I’m pretty good at it.” To which she (someone in the business of helping people get PhDs) replied, “Thabiti, you do know that a PhD is just another form of job training, don’t you? If you’re already doing what you want to do and you’re doing it well, I’m not sure you need to get a PhD.” I was gobsmacked. Didn’t expect that answer at all! It changed my view of graduate education. Unlike a liberal arts undergraduate education, which used to be for “a good well-rounded education,” the advanced degrees are about specialization and work/career preparation. Graduate education is not the work itself, but sometimes a prerequisite for the work.
But in any case, further education must not prevent a man from playing leadership, caretaking, and provision (broadly defined) roles in his family. Neglecting a wife to “hit the books” just won’t do. Neglecting the children in order to go the library simply won’t suffice. There are family responsibilities and worship responsibilities that must be met even while we’re students. Someone may say, “That’s really difficult.” Fair enough. But I’ll offer two thoughts. First, the difficulty may suggest that your class load is too high. Slow down. Take fewer courses. Think carefully about the syllabi and workload of each course before you combine them. Make sure the cuts occur on the class schedule side of things instead of the family and worship side. Or, second, the difficulty may mean you’re not cut out for the particular degree program or graduate school. Face that. Consider it. Then act accordingly. If adjustments to your class load fail to keep proper priorities of worship, family, work, then school, it may be that school needs to be cut off the list. And, brothers, that’s not a failure. That’s living according to proper priorities, taking responsibility, and leading well. If any of this hits home, arrange a sitter for the kids and take the wife somewhere where you can talk prayerfully and unhurried about these things.
I would say (ALERT: here comes a non-expert opinion!) that in most cases men should be able to study and work at the same time. The work could be part-time or full-time. It could be entry-level or career-level. But it’s good for the man preparing for ministry to know something about the simultaneous demands most of his congregation will be facing. Seminary can provide a time of concentrated study and reflection (which is wonderful), but a man with a wife and family may not be able to afford that kind of experience. So, he needs to work. And that work comes before school, imo.
And before anyone starts banging the you-don’t-understand pot, let me assure you I do. I worked in senior leadership in a highly political state-level initiative through nearly all my graduate school years. During that time, we had our first child and then our second. I took a full load of 9 to 12 graduate hours each semester while working full-time. My wife was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t have the luxury of not working. I was four classes short of completing my doctoral class work when our second daughter came along. For a variety of reasons, I left the graduate program and began preparation for ministry in the local church itself.
Now, I want to avoid two things here. I want to avoid generalizing from my experience to every other man’s experience. My journey does not set the standard for anybody. I’m just saying that I know what it’s like to face the load and make tough decisions. Second, I want to avoid necessarily implying that a man in graduate school but not working is not a man. I’m not saying that. I’m not trying to reinforce either the superman or the whimpy man caricatures. I’m saying, we can’t use seminary or graduate school as an excuse for not providing attention, time, resources for our families. That won’t do.
So some principles to think about (please add others you think would help us be faithful in this area):
1. How am I going to provide time, attention, labor, and resources to my family during my period of study?
2. How much study load can I assume without neglecting #1 above?
3. What specific period of time will this arrangement last?
4. Is my wife consistently happy and supportive of the arrangement, including class load, times set apart for study, help with the home and children, and overall leadership?
5. At what point will I need to scale back or suspend studies altogether?
6. Is this the correct season of life to pursue graduate school? Keep in mind graduate school and the ministry are options, being a faithful husband and father is not.
On Promotions at Work
One of the things I offered as an application was that men should prioritize worship and family by denying work and promotions. One brother–a faithful member of his local church, husband, and father–followed up with an excellent set of questions:
Do you think Christians should always turn down promotions? If not, what are the circumstances where it is ok or even good to accept one?
Those are good questions so I thought I’d bring the conversation to this post.
First, “no,” I do not think Christians should as a rule turn down promotions. The offer of promotions ought to be one evidence of our doing our work “as unto the Lord.” While we look for our reward from Christ, we might expect that our good deeds in the workplace result in praise to God and appreciation for our labors. What boss would not want a couple folks who work for him as if he were Jesus?! It’s likely that such employees would be seen as promotion-worthy. And sometimes, perhaps often, they would be inclined and positioned to accept. Those who are faithful in little will be made faithful in much.
Yet, work is not our highest priority. While we work as worship, we don’t worship our work. So, I’d say the first indication that a Christian should probably refuse a promotion comes when the work will hinder their worshiping with the saints. So, if the promotion means you’re no longer going to be an active member of a local church (attending on Sundays and perhaps mid-week, participating in or leading a small group, discipling others, etc.), then the promotion is at odds with your spiritual health and the spiritual health/mission of your church. I’d encourage turning it down in such cases.
Second, if the promotion will entail neglecting your family, I’d recommend turning it down. We all know this, but promotions can tempt us to forget that paychecks cannot replace fathers. We can see how the additional income could benefit, but we don’t see as clearly how the additional absenteeism will hurt. We may even need the additional income. But time and again we learn that the additional time with the wife and the children is far more critical. So, I’d want to know that the promotion would not significantly intrude on time with the family, that my wife were supportive of any schedule adjustments we might have to make, and that I knew my family would have my attention. This will take some effort to push back against the easy but often false division of labor that says, “I’ll earn the money and she’ll raise the kids.” That needs, imo, to be resisted. As I said, a father is more than a paycheck and research is pretty clear that the engagement of the father in the family routine makes all the difference in life outcomes for our children, especially our daughters. But if I were okay on these fronts, I would accept the promotion.
Third, if the promotion would put me into morally compromising positions, I would decline the promotion. Morally compromising positions could mean a range of things from unethical accounting or business practices (just had a young man with integrity decline a job for that reason just yesterday) or inappropriate relationships with persons of the opposite sex (for example, the job requires overnight travel with women). If work is worship, then we want to worship at work in spirit and in truth. This might be the more difficult area to discern, but it’s no less vital to our spiritual health and our reputation. Think of it this way: Every man, imo, should aspire to be an elder in his local church. Two qualifications for an elder is “above reproach” and “has a good reputation with outsiders.” Being known as a leader in an unethical or morally compromising promotion would disqualify the man for further service in the local church. If it disqualifies from the eldership, don’t accept the promotion.
Fourth and finally, but not least, will the promotion give you joy? Will it add life to you, or will it drain zest and zeal? We must remember that we work not merely as a duty but as worship, and worship should bring God’s people joy. There will be times to accept work that’s not ideal, that doesn’t bring high levels of satisfaction, or that we just don’t like. A good friend and business mentor once told me, “Either love what you do, or why you do it, or who you do it for.” That’s stuck with me because sometimes we don’t love what we do or some aspect of what we do. But it’s noble to work such a job when you’re doing it for a wife and children you do love or for a cause that’s greater than your own happiness. But if the Lord permits, accept a promotion when it gives life and joy and that delight can magnify the praise and greatness of Christ in the workplace.
14 Comments
“I’m saying, we can’t use seminary or graduate school as an excuse for not providing attention, time, resources for our families. That won’t do.”
Good point T. I think it nails it pretty good.
So you’re saying the wife being the “tent-maker” won’t fly just because a man is in seminary?
This is helpful, and thanks for the post. I think it may be good to add, however, a distinction between graduate school in technical fields vs. the humanities. As someone in higher education, I would caution against pursuing graduate level “work training” in fields like history, literature, etc., particularly if one does not already have a job in those fields.
The fact is that it’s hard to find a job anywhere nowadays, but especially for humanities and social sciences grad students, it’s very difficult to translate a Ph.D. into higher earnings. At the end of your training, it’s likely that you will have a huge amount of debt, and many in academia are beginning to recognize that the economics don’t work in favor of the graduate student.
It’s challenging to find a job in technical fields as well, but in many cases you can get paid to go to graduate school in the sciences/engineering. Thus, while you still may not end up with a great job, at least you don’t graduate with mountains of college debt.
Note that I’m not saying one type of work is better than another. I am just saying that it’s very difficult to make a humanities Ph.D. pay off economically. I’m not alone in this opinion, and more information is available at the Chronicle of Higher Education.
Hi Nick,
Those are really great comments, bro. Reminds that I should also have relayed in the post some advice I received from a couple pastor friends when thinking about seminary: “Don’t go into debt to go.” If debt can be avoided, even at the expense of taking longer to finish, I think that’s a wise path. Nothing so crippling as saddling a marriage with tons of debt while also risking neglect!
Grateful for your thoughts.
T-
“Don’t go into debt to go.”
Now that is about as wise as it gets T. Good stuff!
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Thabiti -
Thanks brother for this post. Appreciate how you are thinking about these issues and applying a biblical framework to them.
I wanted to add a few thoughts to the question “On Promotions and Work.” I agree with all 4 of your points and think they are great guard rails for ‘why not’ to take a promotion.
I did, though, want to add some possible motivations for not just taking but actually pursuing promotions – and how to pursue them in a godly way.
First, assuming there are opportunities for more responsibility and management, managing provides a unique opportunity to serve as a shepherd. If God gives you authority in the workplace, he gives you the opportunity to pastor/shepherd those under your care. Paul tells masters to “treat your slaves in the same way” (Eph 6:9) – by serving them with enthusiasm. If you manage, you are a servant to those who are under you. Consider how you can be a good steward of that relationship, building into the person, “discipling them” maybe not in spiritual things, but as a worker, and in life. Give yourself to their good. As Christian bosses, being good workplace mentors/coaches should be in our DNA since we are each called to do this in the spiritual realm.
Secondly, having godly motivation for money is a good thing. Paul writes in 1 Thes 4:11: “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life” and in 2 Thes 3:10: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat” and Solomon says in Proverbs 12:11 “He who works his land will have abundant food, but the one who chases fantasies will have his fill of poverty.” It glorifies God to work as a means to provide for your family and to have more left over so you can share with those in need.
But also, through your work and the money you receive for it, God is also providing for the support of this local church, the spread of the gospel around the world and the relief of the poor. It’s like this amazing cherry on top! Consider this. If you give 10% of your salary to the local church, then 6 minutes of every hour you work is furthering gospel work. Lord willing, if you work 8 hrs tomorrow, almost 1 hr of your time is supporting direct gospel work!
Fight our cultures vision that the money we earn is primarily for our own security, health, comfort and enjoyment, and then earn as much as you can so you can provide, support and meet needs.
Third, biblical career planning is a good and godly thing. As an ambitious, impatient, competitive sinner, Proverbs 16 is one of the best chapters in the Bible for me because it reminds me of a simple fact: God is Sovereign over the results of our work. In this chapter, we read that Man “Plans…Commits…and Casts” but that it’s the Lord who “Replies…Determines…and Decides.” And, we see this pattern over and over again in Scripture. We can and should use wisdom to plan but those plans must always be made with an open hand, trusting that they are made with limited and finite knowledge. We plan because we want to use our time, treasures and talents to the their most God-glorifying ends, but we do so aware that we don’t know the extent of our resources nor their best use. “We prepare the horse for battle, but victory rests with the Lord” (Proverbs 21:31).
We can, in essence, push hard on the plow, but with our hands open.
What a wonderfully freeing truth! The God of the Universe, the God who has all things in His hands, has even the outcomes of my work in His hands. This has been especially encouraging to me as an entrepreneur and has led me to adopt as an unofficial motto “Work Hard, Work Smart but Trust God”. The Results are in God’s hands. This truth gives us the theological ammo we need to fight the Idol of Failure and the Idol of Success – to pursue promotions but not to put our identity in them.
Of course all of these motivations can easily lead to worldly, sinful and fruit-choking actions. And, so as you pursue wisdom in this area – considering both the guard rails and the motivations for promotions – I’d encourage you to do so with the counsel of wiser, godly brothers and sisters who can help you gauge your own heart and motivations as you seek to be faithful in the work / job God has called you to.
What is ethically compromising about business travel with a female colleague, provided you aren’t sharing a hotel room?
The better question may be is it wise to spend so much time with a woman that isn’t your wife, even if you are not sleeping with her.
Why not?
(Provided you are intentionally cultivating a healthy relationship with your spouse.)
Godly brothers can treat Christian women as sisters, unbelievers as neighbors and friends. Of course you should avoid compromising situations but professional travel is not, in itself, compromising.
Thank you, Thabiti, for encouraging deeper thought about manhood. You’ve given me much to ponder. Do I stand to be corrected in my thinking?
Our focus as men is vertical. We stand before God. A slave does the work assigned by the master. A slave who does not do the work assigned by the master is unfaithful, be it lazy or disobedient. Our sovereign Master has chosen us to be His slave. I can’t help but notice that He never commends us for manhood, rather for faithfulness. Horizontally, we do not sit in judgment of the Master for the specific work given each slave. So a man is one who worships God and is faithful to God as He has been revealed to us through the Word of God.
Consider the one who dies with fame and fortune after a lifetime of rewarding work, yet who suppressed the truth (Rom. 1:18). The world heaps praise and admiration upon him. But God says, “You wicked and lazy servant”. May all men live their days to hear our Master say, “Well done good and faithful servant”.
If we are faithful slaves, we are consequently living out with obedience the general teaching of manhood as revealed in the Word of God. Yet, we each retain the uniqueness of which God created us to be.
I appreciate this post on work and promotions. I want to throw an interesting curve ball into the mix. I am a committed Christian and a husband and father. I am also in the military. I have been in for about 6.5 years now and am indebted to Uncle Sam for another 5 years. I have been struggling with deciding to stay in the military or get out when my commitment has ended. Several people have advised me to stay until I hit 20 years, when I can retire with a pension and benefits. But are the deployments, temporary trips, and constant moves worth it? I feel that to be an engaged husband, father, and church member while remaining in the military is very tough, if not impossible. However, to get out of the military after serving more than halfway to 20 years, some would argue is foolish with respect to providing for my family. What are your thoughts?
This series of blog posts has been a blessing to me, Pastor Thabiti. Thank you so much for this. Just reading this last post, I was especially caught by your third point regarding promotions at work. Very wise.
Thank you so much.
Many in my church and the surrounding churches would LOVE to have to. I believe you were here a few years ago, but I missed out, not knowing who you were at that time. Pastor Mark Dever told me about you, and I’ve been loving your preacing and blogging ever since. (come again soon…i’m praying)
Ps. I think it’s about time you take a trip to Toronto, Canada
God bless you, brother.
Sorry, the last portion of my comment had nothing to do with the topic at hand, but I just had to throw it in there.
Grace and Peace.
Thanks again Thabiti for your response on promotions (and for the congratulations!) Between what you ans Sebastian have shared I think we have a nice list of warnings and encouragements in this area. I thought your question about the promotion giving you joy was particularly helpful. Often promotions give a sense of pride, sometimes they can instill a sense of fear, but an honest reflection on whether or not there is joy is a good thing for a Christian to consider. This is I believe a very rich topic so I am thankful men like you are weighing in.
Sebastian great points as well. I love the idea that 6 minutes of every hour goes straight to the “church bottom line”! That is an encouragement to take hour hours at work seriously and a great reminder that work is truly worship.
Thanks to both of you brothers.
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