Unfashionable (my next book which is scheduled to be released in April) is finished–well almost. I’ll be working with one of my editors over the next month or so on things like tone, style, etc. But the content and the organization of the content is finished. Phew! Below is a section from a chapter entitled Love, not Lust, where I describe the need for the church to be “unfashionable” in its approach to the way this world views other people. As always, your feedback is both welcomed and appreciated.
Oh, and by the way, you can now pre-order a copy of Unfashionable on Amazon. By pre-ordering it now, you can begin to raise awareness of it’s coming. Thanks.
————————————————————————————————————
There’s no doubt we live in a lust-saturated world. Every single day we’re bombarded by the sexual objectification of human beings. Both men and women are constantly being sold to the consumer as objects for self-indulgence. In our “sexualized” culture, billions of dollars are spent every year on pornography, “an industry that enslaves countless people to the vice of voyeurism and perverts the normal expectations of sexual expression between men and women in marriage.” Sex is used to sell just about everything from homes to cars, cologne, beer, and clothes. Sexual promiscuity is romanticized and celebrated as the means to true freedom and the ultimate expression of one’s individual right to personal pleasure.
Youth culture is more than ever saturated with the fashionability of lust and sexual licentiousness. From the explicit pictures of Abercrombie & Fitch catalogs, to the half-naked teenage employees who wait on you at Hollister Co., to virtually every reality show on TV and every pop-song on the radio, the message is the same: Sexual promiscuity is stylish—and love is overrated.
But however progressive and cool it may look on the surface, the posture of promiscuity is actually the sad concession of a deeply lonely culture.
In a recent talk given at a Christian college, journalist Andy Crouch showed the connection between sexual promiscuity and the rapid rise of binge drinking among college-age women, 40 percent of whom have had more than four drinks in a row in the last week, according to a survey. “I have a theory about this,” Crouch said. “I believe that drinking for college-age women is largely a way to make sex easier—to ease the pain of hooking up, the pain of anonymous sex. Sex with someone you’ve made no promises to, for whom you haven’t changed your name, is indeed anonymous, without-a-name sex. It’s also storyless sex, with no history and no future. When it stops feeling good, it hurts, because sex is made to change our names, to change our stories. And when it doesn’t change us, it leaves us empty and lost, stranded outside the story we were made to live in.”
Andy’s words show that underneath our culture’s fascination with sexual promiscuity and lust is a deeper, unsatisfied desire for a more meaningful and long-lasting form of relational intimacy. Because the modern world is always changing and never staying the same, millions of people feel disconnected and alone.
It shouldn’t surprise us, for instance, that the meteoric rise in teenage pregnancies is happening at the same time our culture becomes increasingly dependent on modern telecommunications. Technology connects us broadly with others but not deeply, and this lack creates an uncomfortable anonymity that makes people desperate to find relational intimacy anywhere and anyway that they can. And since real love—name-changing, story-changing love—seems hopelessly out of reach (existing only in fairy tales), people settle for what they believe is the next best thing: hooking up. Thinking they can find satisfaction to their hunger for deep relational connection in and through sexual encounters, they become promiscuous—if not physically, then virtually (hence the rise in use of internet pornography and sexual chat rooms). Millions of people jump from bed to bed and chat room to chat room trying desperately to scratch a deep itch that commitment-free sex simply can’t reach.
Promiscuity promises what it cannot pay. We need something bigger, something deeper.
The gospel is the reason why the church is to be a community that embodies and exhibits true self-giving love in a sexually promiscuous, lust-saturated world.
In 1970, Francis Schaeffer wrote an essay called “The Mark of the Christian,” in which he argued that love is the Christian’s fundamental characteristic. He grounded his conclusion in the words of Jesus in John 13:34-35: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Likewise Paul tells us that the church is to “walk in love.” Why? Because Christ “loved us and gave himself for us.” And the apostle John writes, “By this we know love: that he [Christ] laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers” (1 John 3:16).
In a world that cheapens people by objectifying them, dehumanizing them, and viewing them as commodities meant to serve our needs instead of persons for us to serve, Christians are to demonstrate that real love is not out of reach, that in the person of Christ true love has in fact reached down to us, and that this love is, without question, more enchanting than promiscuity. It is name-changing, story-changing love. It’s not anonymous, and it’s not commitment free. It is real, it is deep, it is covenant keeping. It is, in fact, “patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).
We’re to show our lonely world just how much more captivating and satisfying loving self-sacrifice is over sexual self-indulgence. We’re to show that there’s an immeasurable difference between sexual lust and self-giving love: One seeks to use people while the other seeks to serve people; one tears people down while the other builds people up.
We need to demonstrate for the world what human community can look like where people serve one another instead of use one another, and where people find joy in each other’s joy. That’s what love is. As a result of our putting true love on display for the entire world to see, they’ll know there’s something different about us—and it will make a difference.