May
18
2009
When It’s Right To Confront
Over a year ago I received a manuscript entitled Unpacking Forgiveness written by Chris Brauns to review and endorse. After reading it (and concluding that it was the best book I had read on the all important subject of forgiveness), I was happy to offer this endorsement:
My grandmother used to say that every healthy relationship is made up of two good forgivers. Chris Brauns has written a book that compliments my grandmother’s saying by showing us the indispensibility of understanding and practicing forgiveness. Biblically sound, theologically rich, sensitively illustrated, and profoundly practical, Chris’ book shows that forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel. And because of its Gospel-centeredness, Unpacking Forgiveness provides the perspective needed to liberate you from past relational pains, present relational tensions, and future relational fears. This is a book that needs to be read. This is a book that needs to be lived. I heartily recommend it!
This morning I was reminded me of one section in Chris’ book where he addresses when it’s right to confront someone and when it’s wise not to. Chris writes:
The short answer is that it is a matter of wisdom or discernment. Each time you are offended, you need to wisely decide whether or not you need to bring it up. Only you can make the decision, but several diagnostic questions can help you work through it.
Here’s an outline of the questions (these are gold!):
Before confronting, ask, “Have I examined myself yet?”
Before confronting, ask, “How sure am I that I am right?”
Before confronting, ask, “How important is this?”
Before confronting, ask, “Does this person show a pattern of this kind of behavior?”
Before confronting, ask, “What do wise people counsel me to do?”
Before confronting, ask, “What else is going on in the other person’s world?”
These are all good and wise reminders to examine ourselves before we examine others and to always take into consideration that there is much more going on in people’s lives than we see.
You can order Chris’ book here.