Calvinists hear Arminian friends ask this question all the time. It's usually intended as a rhetorical question. In other words, it's really a statement: If you believe that your unbelieving friend is dead in sin until God unilaterally regenerates him or her, and that God has unconditionally chosen whom he will save, then what's the point? Que sera, sera: Whatever will be, will be.
Of course, this is a terrific objection to hyper-Calvinism, but misses its Reformed target. Our confessions teach that God works through means. Though the Father has chosen unconditionally some from our condemned race for everlasting life in his Son, the elect were not redeemed until he sent his Son "in the fullness of time," and they are not justified until the Spirit gives them faith in Christ through the gospel. To invoke Paul's argument (on the heels of teaching unconditional election), "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?...So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ" (Rom 10:14-15, 17).
For years now, I've reversed this rhetorical question, asking, Why would anyone pray for the conversation of their loved one if God were not sovereign in dispensing his grace? Arminians shouldn't pray for God to save their loved ones, because God could reply, "Look, I've done my part; now the ball is in your court." Yet, I note, Arminians are typically no less zealous in praying for the salvation of the lost than Calvinists. We're at one on our knees.
Not so quickly, says Roger Olson, a distinguished Baptist professor and author of Arminian Theology. By now, readers of this blog may know that my friend Roger and I have been engaged in conversations about these things. He wrote, Against Calvinism, and I wrote For Calvinism, and we have taken up these issues in person as part of our White Horse Inn "Conversations" series. We're both trying to understand each other's views charitably, if nevertheless critically. In that spirit, the following...
In a recent post, Roger stirred up a hornet's nest by suggesting that "Arminians should not pray to God to save their friends and loved ones." It may be that one is using "save" differently. However, "Normal language interpretation would seem to me to indicate that asking God to save someone, without any qualifications, is tantamount (whatever is intended) to asking God to do the impossible (from an Arminian perspective)."
You can read the whole thing here.