The announcement usually comes during prayer time. A young husband and wife exchange a knowing glance and then share the news: they’re pregnant! After bursting with congratulations, their small group leaps into planning a baby shower, organizing a meal train, and praying for the little one on the way.
Most churches know how to support couples who are expecting. We recognize the challenges of this joyful, exhausting season and rally to serve them. Who better to be their village than the body of Christ?
But not every family in church can get pregnant or carry a baby to term. Many couples struggle with infertility and miscarriage. These are heartbreaking trials that weigh heavily on a couple’s health, marriage, finances, and relationship with the Lord.
No Christian should walk through infertility or miscarriage alone.
No Christian should walk through infertility or miscarriage alone. Just as the church lifts up parents-to-be, we’re called to help carry the burdens of our brothers and sisters who are waiting for children. They need a village too.
Help for the Waiting
My husband and I have been through the valley of pregnancy hopes deferred. Though our church family wanted to help, they were unsure what would be encouraging and what would make the pain worse. Over time they learned how to weep with us and help strengthen our hold on hope (Heb. 6:18).
Here are five ways churches can support members who are longing for a child.
1. Talk less, listen more.
Infertility involves uncertainty. Couples don’t know when, how, or if they’ll have a child. Resist the impulse to fill in the blanks with advice or platitudes. Heed the wisdom of Proverbs 10:19: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
Instead of many words, give couples a listening ear. Sit quietly with them as they pour out their grief. The presence of a friend can remind them the God of all comfort is near (2 Cor. 1:3–4).
2. Show up physically.
Couples might not be bringing home a baby yet, but they still have tangible needs. Consider how to provide for them and show affection (Rom. 12:10–13). For example, drive them to a doctor’s appointment or help clean their house before an adoption caseworker visit.
One practical act of love is to take them a meal, a service traditionally offered to families of newborns. Some church friends did this for us after a failed fertility treatment. Never had I tasted such mercy in a burrito bowl.
3. Include them in church life.
The body of Christ is beautifully varied with different yet vital parts (1 Cor. 12:12). Unfortunately, couples experiencing infertility can feel disconnected from fellow church members. It’s hard to integrate into a family-focused environment when you don’t have kids.
Make an intentional effort to welcome childless couples, as well as single adults and others who don’t fit the nuclear family mold. Include them in small groups and fellowship events. For sermon illustrations, draw from relatable situations beyond the parenting realm. During an infant baptism or child dedication, incorporate a prayer for couples who are waiting for children.
4. Encourage their marriage.
Childbearing difficulties put marriages through the wringer. As a couple’s church family, be an advocate for their marriage in this tough season. Remind them God intends husband and wife to be one flesh (Gen. 2:24). He called his design “very good” before offspring entered the scene (1:31). Encourage them to invest in their relationship now, not someday later when or if a child comes along.
Gently suggest ideas for how spouses can show one another love. Point them toward couples’ retreats or service opportunities where they can grow their faith and enjoy each other’s companionship.
5. Pray for patience.
The Bible emphasizes the importance of praying for someone facing infertility. The stories of Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, and Elizabeth all mention petitioning God to create life when it was thought impossible. Prayers for a couple can include asking for healing (James 5:14), wisdom (1:5), trust (Prov. 3:5), and endurance (Rom. 5:3–4).
When bringing these requests to the Lord, also ask him to give you patience with the couple you’re supporting. In their pain, they might be wrestling with sinful responses or speaking “wind words” of despair (Job 6:26). Continue bearing with them in love (Eph. 4:2–3). For we have one hope in Christ, the head of our village.
Are You a Frustrated, Weary Pastor?
Being a pastor is hard. Whether it’s relational difficulties in the congregation, growing opposition toward the church as an institution, or just the struggle to continue in ministry with joy and faithfulness, the pressure on leaders can be truly overwhelming. It’s no surprise pastors are burned out, tempted to give up, or thinking they’re going crazy.
In ‘You’re Not Crazy: Gospel Sanity for Weary Churches,’ seasoned pastors Ray Ortlund and Sam Allberry help weary leaders renew their love for ministry by equipping them to build a gospel-centered culture into every aspect of their churches.
We’re delighted to offer this ebook to you for FREE today. Click on this link to get instant access to a resource that will help you cultivate a healthier gospel culture in your church and in yourself.