Why Young Women Are Leaving the Church and How Pastors Can Help

Women are leaving the Christian church, and organized religion altogether, at surprisingly high rates. Historically, women have almost always outnumbered men in religious service attendance, but that tide is shifting with younger millennials and Gen Z.

A New York Times opinion piece published earlier this year argued complementarian theology and its supposed inherent sexism are to blame for this exit. I’d argue the reasons are more multifaceted, related to both the church and secular culture. And while pastors who have misused authority may be part of the problem, I’m already seeing that pastors who lead faithfully can be part of the solution.

Rejecting Misuses of Complementarianism

One might conclude from the New York Times piece that little can be done about young women leaving the church. Complementarianism remains part of God’s good design, after all, so we can’t cast it aside to appease our culture.

But not all young women leave the church because they wholly reject complementarian principles. Many women leave in response to gross misuse of it, rather than its actual tenets as presented in Scripture. One scandal after another of abuse and moral failure in high-profile Christian leaders has emerged in recent years, with many men involved in those scandals claiming complementarianism as their justification. Many women have been hurt and dismissed by pastors who should have listened. Is it any wonder that distrust of the church has risen among women, leading some to opt out altogether?

Still, I believe it’s ultimately too simplistic to point to even these misuses as the fundamental reason for women’s rapid exit from organized religion.

Ensnared by the World’s Goods

Christ’s church and the world have always been at odds. But Christianity and the goods it upholds for women—worshiping God, holiness, the local church, hospitality, evangelism, monogamous marriage, and motherhood, among many—present a far sharper contrast to the world’s goods compared to a generation or two ago.

Additionally, many young women today are ensnared in the world’s goods because they found them at impressionable times. Consider the modern push for sexual freedom. The internet and social media have made sexual content scarily accessible to teen girls, and online social pressures now lure many into sexual experimentation at young ages. Gen Z women in particular are likely to suffer exposure to sexual perversion earlier than millennials, and many have or currently are experimenting with LGBT+ identities. Young women aren’t rejecting only complementarianism and its misuses; they’re also rejecting the biblical sexual ethic.

But egalitarian, LGBT-affirming churches have multiplied across America in recent decades. If women can still supposedly have God without affirming beliefs they find objectionable, why would they leave Christianity altogether?

Could it be that women decreasingly see a need for God in their lives? After all, the secular, modern West catechizes women to find fulfillment in self-determination, career climbing, and sexual freedom. Second-wave feminism loudly marketed to women the myth that a career offers fundamental meaning, joy, and status. And since the 1960s, women have become more educated, workforce-centric, and liberal. Particularly in higher education, women have steadily outpaced men for years, and today, nearly 60 percent of bachelor’s degrees are awarded to women.

Could it be that women decreasingly see a need for God in their lives?

At the same time, women have moved left politically. A recent Axios report found that women ages 18–29 are now 15 percentage points more likely to identify as liberal than men in the same age bracket, often because they prioritize abortion rights. Women have been taught not only that they rule their own bodies and lives but that they have the power to decide who lives and dies. Why would women see a need for God when they’ve functionally become gods?

Failed by Empty Promises

But as Christians, we know godlessness and self-reliance will never satisfy. We’re already seeing them specifically fail women.

Despite great gains for women in recent decades, women are less happy compared to 40 to 60 years ago. The increase in opportunities for women over the last few generations has been monumental and good on many levels. Yet women’s happiness has declined over the same period that their societal prospects have expanded.

Many factors have likely contributed to this happiness decline. At a minimum, however, it indicates that worldly promises of success, climbing the corporate ladder, and sexual promiscuity underdeliver. Though many women may have chosen these empty promises over the church, the failure of these promises could lead them back to the church.

Coming to Christ Through Complementarianism

Pastors can intentionally prepare to welcome and care for women, like my friend Anna, who come to their churches reaping disappointment from the world’s hollow promises. A self-professed atheist in her teens and 20s, Anna bought into feminism’s promises of autonomy. She successfully advanced in a rigorous career and thought rejecting authority led to freedom. By her early 30s, however, she became increasingly disillusioned and unsettled. She began studying Christianity, and several months later, she found her way to my Reformed Baptist, complementarian church.

Complementarian theology played an important part in Anna’s conversion. For years, she’d watched abuses of authority bring harm. But through our pastors’ example, she saw how good authority—rather than throwing off all authority—serves as a corrective. Our pastors aren’t perfect, but they strive to serve, they’re quick to repent, and they promote healing as they lead. They offered Anna a new, powerful example of the Good Shepherd’s care—and God used it to save her.

Complementarian theology played an important part in Anna’s conversion.

Anna represents but one story of a woman who turned to the church when promises of self-actualization failed her. Lord willing, many more such women will walk through church doors in years to come, and pastors have a tremendous opportunity and responsibility to beckon them to King Jesus. Pastors who labor to know, help, and listen to women in their churches can image Christ’s servant leadership to these women, as our pastors have for Anna.

The famous failures of a few pastors may push some women away from the church, but God could use the faithful care and leadership of many pastors to draw women back in.