It Takes a Church to Disciple Kids

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Terrence Shay: Someone once said, culture is the water we swim in every day. It is what we do when we decide unconsciously, it is what we proceed to prioritize when we live on autopilot. If I if I may ask you to do this, please pause moment and reflect on the culture that you think that we’re living in. Here’s what I see, I see that we are a post pandemic, worrying, social media saturating, identity self defining, worldview deconstructing, and we are living in a post Christian culture. In other words, we are collectively wandering in a wilderness. So in light of that reality, how are we really doing with family discipleship?

There are two types of people that we often see in our churches. The first type is program, Pete. He is someone that relies completely on church programs to take care of disciplemaking. In his household, he represents a drop off culture, he sends his kids faithfully to every single church event. In fact, he attends himself at times, he gives he honors, especially during pastors Appreciation Month, but he does not get involved. Personally, his mantra would be leave it to the professionals. Now, I serve currently an immigrant church.

So there are reasons such as language, culture, barriers, and even the fact that we worship in segregation as norm that brings about the aspects and the characteristics of program Pete. But I imagine that you will find him everywhere in your churches. So the results, oftentimes, that he finds is that he is shocked that his kids are leaving their faith. Now, the second type of person that we find in our churches is parochial Pat, she’s someone that makes the home first, above all, home, happiness is primary, and church commitment is secondary. She will do all things to prioritize and protect family above all things. And her mantra would be family is everything. Now, in the best case scenario, of this family, every member participates actively in church life. In the worst case scenario, in this family, the local church becomes an afterthought, barely squeezed into a packed family schedule of sports, clubs, and vacations. So oftentimes, the results that she will find is that she is sad to discover that the kids have no interest in or have any need, personally, for the local church. Now, the purpose of this talk is for us to all collectively step outside our established routines, and to personally pay attention to your walk to the family discipleship practices that you believe in, and that you practice, we often strive to struggle with our heads down, without noticing how the water we swim in has changed around us, and it’s constantly shifting. Now, here’s what I’m not going to try to do. I’m not going to teach you something new, trendy or pragmatic. In fact, if anything, the ideas that I’m going to talk about in that many of us will talk about today, stands on the shoulders of many faithful pastors, parents and practitioners, that loves the family that loves disciplemaking.

And that loves the church. But here’s what I am going to challenge you to do. I want to invite you to think deeply about your personal and professional practices in the home in the church by doing the following. Number one state clearly the two contexts that God has ordained for disciplemaking. Number two, highlight the biblical and practical partnership between the two, then hopefully, we’re able in our hearts and also collectively have more clarity. To respond to the question of this first segment, how can the whole church disciple young people, and as a corollary, why does the home need the church, I hope to lay the framework in this opening segment, and frankly, drop a bomb for Cameron and Clark to clean up after me. But all that’s to be said, is that this is the time really for you to engage reflectively and personally on these things of the weightiest matter, in the church and in your household. Let’s begin with some definitions. The family ministry foundation is anchored in the Great Commission given by Jesus which is his call for all of his disciples to make disciples. And so you find this throughout the Gospels, you find this even in Acts and commands, and it pushes a trajectory for every single Christian in faith in the power of the Holy Spirit to pursue in the home, in the community in their local churches.

Here are some definitions of disciple making that I want to offer to you from Bobby Harrington, Pastor, author, and co founder of discipleship.org. These hopefully will help us to be on the same page, when we’re using these common Christian words at times, without always not seeing them in the same light disciple, he or she is someone who is following Jesus being changed by Jesus, and is committed to the mission of Jesus, which is to make disciples disciplemaking entering into relationships that help people trust and follow Jesus. And it includes the whole process of sharing the gospel, leading the faith in Christ, which is evangelism, and maturation and obedience to God in relationship to others, which is once discipleship. And ultimately want to see multiplication locally and globally, as the Gospel goes forth through disciple makers, which is the third definition. He or she is a disciple of Jesus, who enters into relationships with people to help them trust and follow Jesus. So among a variety of ways in which you could describe these definitions, I want to summarize them with three qualities disciplemaking, and people who do so they do so in a personal way. They do so in a relational way, and they do it in an intentional way. Which means that it is so much more than just proclamation through the air, or is it just from reading books and obtaining knowledge, the sight moment, it happens in the way that Jesus demonstrated when it’s life to life, intentional, engaging, and walking with each other. Now, let’s continue.

There are two primary spaces where disciple making takes place. And they both need to be intentionally engaged. And for the people in those spaces to be equipped as disciple makers. Space number one is the home. And the home represents the primary relationships that each of us have. These are the people closest to us, in our earthly households. And some of the roles that you’ll find will be dad, mom, siblings, grandparents, step adoptive foster all included in your household, the home is the primary place because the roles and the people in your home are irreplaceable. Notice, that doesn’t mention whether you are a good dad or a bad dad, a good mom or a bad mom. The fact that you occupy a role means that you yourself is irreplaceable. So that gives priority and attention to the people in this role. The concept I want to present to you then of a home is like a squad. I don’t want to repeat it again. But your home is like your homies. Right. These are your tightest knit group of people working together for a specific task, or mission. And in which case, it can be as simple as your children grow up to live and move out of the house. But that’s the mission isn’t it. And it’s not anyone’s greater responsibility than certainly the parents and the caregivers who are the primary disciple makers. Here’s the second space, the church. The church represents the body of Christ, which is our tangible expression of eternal identity. And the roles that you’ll find in the body of Christ, which the Bible refers to as members above many things. These members who are a part of the body then contribute their gifts and time, treasure and talents for the common good.

And it is towards everyone’s maturity in Christ personally and even corporately as a church. Every local church can grow towards maturity in Christ. Now, the disciple making impact of this space is that it is essential, because Christ is the head of the church. And as long as his disciples worship and follow Him, they’re eternal belonging, expressed first in this earthly life would be in a local church. So it is essential then for the church to have this role for which it was also given the Great Commission. It is the disciples of Jesus who are called to make disciples. The church then can be portrayed as a team, which is a group of individuals assembled for a common goal. But even with this within this team, you see that there’s places for building blocks and families then who are following Christ would be squads who are blocks for this team. Let’s see the relationship between the two. The Bible portrays the two as being support If of one another in partnership with each other, because they have a shared mission as a squad, and they have a shared mission as a team, to make disciples, we are able to look in the same direction with the same eternal hope, and with the same good gospel from both vantage points, because we want to be in the same place. So the home, it should be a place where it operates as a little church, it resembles and reflects a place a household where Christ is king, where he is worshipped and adored, were the loving of God and a loving of neighbor begins with those in proximity of you those you are raising those in your household. And again, the primary disciple makers there are irreplaceable the role of the parents are to establish primary relationships and rhythms for the household that points to Jesus, there’s 168 hours in a week.

And overwhelmingly, especially the younger your children are, the more of those hours are directly attributed and responsive to you and your authority. And so the home really is the people on the ground in disciplemaking, and not the church primarily. You find this into your army six, where Moses tells God’s people to love God, love one another and point the children towards Jesus in ordinary things, everyday life. You find this in Ephesians six, we’re in a New Testament, in under a covenant. We are told by Paul, that these commands and Deuteronomy six are still intact. But you are also called to demonstrate gospel love in seeking to build relationships with your children. cautions amplifies that in Colossians, three, by saying do not frustrate, provoke exasperate your children. That’s the means by which you’re able to instruct and discipline them.

So the focus here for the home is to be a place where Christ is honored, above all, above everything. Now, on the church side, we’re also given many metaphors, to understand what it means to be part of a local church. We know that church is not a building, we know that the church is not a bunch of programs. But do we actually believe that the church is the Forever Family, that the Church will live forever those who are in it. The role of the local church is to make disciples of all nations, and they’re able to do so we are able to do so in local churches, because we’re fulfilling Jesus’s promise of an abundance intergenerational family, for everyone who has left Jesus or left everything to follow Jesus. Jesus mentions here in response to a question and Mark 10, that those who have left everything, for his sake and for the gospel, they will receive now a hundredfold in this lifetime houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, then the age to come eternal life. The spiritual family, the local church, as an expression of the eternal family is a gift that every Christian should have, and embrace. So with that in mind, let me modify the question a little bit from the beginning. How can the church then, in partnership with the home disciple, young people, oh want to share a way forward for us to build a family discipleship church culture in the local church. So here’s the definition to start with by Dr. Timothy Paul Jones from Southern Seminary, who is also a speaker at TGC. This year.

He says this about family ministry, that it is the process of coordinating a church’s practices, so that all members develop diverse discipling relationships, so that parents are acknowledged, equipped and held accountable as primary disciple makers in their children’s lives. So there is a bending of the home towards disciple making, but then there’s also a shaping of the church and developing that intergenerational spiritual family culture for which then families could enter in and participate. Not only willingly, but intentionally and joyfully. Let’s take the time to answer this question. What can the church do that the family cannot do alone? In other words, why does the home need the church? Let’s be as practical as we can. And let’s look at the various people who are in a household. Well for children. The presence and the support of local church and its members helps to teach and role model the gospel and how it changes lives and how it redeems sinners and how the gospel transforms people’s hearts from the inside out and changes them in ways that only the Holy Spirit can. But not only that, oftentimes we get just knit knit, pickings of what that looks like. What the church provides that is beautiful and wonderful, are people who have been obedience and following Christ for a lifetime.

So the church offers this in a picture in a metaphor to children, that goes so much far, that in words, when they can see that there are saints who even as they’ve gotten older, and weaker, and more frail, that they’re still following their Lord Jesus. For children, the presence and the participation of a local church demonstrates the power of conviction and the truth of the gospel. Now let’s look at parents, for parents, the local church, in its mission, to equip the saints for the work of ministry provides the opportunity, and also the creativity and also the resources to equip, encourage and empower parents for disciple making. In fact, it becomes a very significant priority for the local church if we are to value making disciples period. And so for parents, local churches, a place in which camaraderie is instilled, where they can see that they’re not going through this journey together, which, as a parent, I can tell you, you always feel like you’re the only one dealing with this problem, or this complaint, or this issue or this hardship. And sometimes it’s very hard to voice out, even to seek for prayer, some of the hardships that you go through as a parent. But in the local church, in the Forever Family, you can find camaraderie. Finally, for families, as a whole, it is a place where intergenerational relationships are not just a tagline, but it is embedded in the culture, right when you walk in. It is a place in which the family is able to be part of a grander and greater family instead of just about itself, and its happiness. So for families, the local church provides community. In Matthew chapter 12, verses 49 to 50, Jesus said this, for whoever does the will of my Father in heaven, is my brother, and sister, and mother. Jesus wasn’t making this promise for later, Jesus was telling those who are choosing to deny themselves to pick up their cross and follow him at that moment, that you know what, I have something for you, you’re not going to settle in this world, even as you will go through persecution, trials, suffering and hardship, you will have what is better, because you will have me and you will have brothers and sisters, and mothers and fathers, aunties and uncles, in Christ, who will walk with you, and be with you in ways that your earthly family may not be.

So the role of the church then, is to be the Forever Family starting now on Earth, and when we’re able to see it that way. It adds so much more depth, even to sometimes the regular routines, and sometimes the pains. And sometimes the annoyance is that we have or simply going to church, and participating in church and leading our kids in doing so I just want to show you this simple diagram. This is not a prescription. But this is an example of how family ministry is done at my church, which is an immigrant church consisting of three languages. So again, a lot of separations a lot of segregation. And this is a work in progress. By no means am I standing here saying we are successful, that everyone believes this, that everyone is doing this, but we’re trying to put our biblical thinking caps on and to think how the church can work together with the family. So on the church as family side, we’re trying to make sure that there are no spiritual orphans here. Easier said than done, but no spiritual orphans, here, and here are ways in which we are trying to grow this in growing maturity. In the life of the church, we aim to celebrate spiritual milestones and transitions. It could be graduations, it could be promotions, it could be certain life milestones, though things that are important culturally, as they are valuable. We also aim to celebrate them and point the church towards Christ in them A membership, which we encourage all Christians to join the church to take their place in this forever family in their commitment, we aim to provide next steps for them to find community in groups and to be able to use their gifts and serve on teams. And finally, in building relationships, for them that is reflective of participation in an intergenerational spiritual family, we aim to build personal relationships and mentoring and corporate relationships in groups. Now, what connects the two together is also a culture that we think reflects what the gospel calls us to. We have a caring while ministry, which then allows us to both push out but then also update policies and training for Child Protection and sexual abuse reporting, because this is what lets a family, a spiritual family, an intergenerational family that is open to the outside, be safe as possible.

Through counseling and biblical counseling. In particular, we aim to teach and practice speaking the truth and love as a culture, not as a formality, not as a professional vocation, for everyone, to help people grow towards maturity in Christ in every day. And finally, with family as church with parents and grandparents. Number one, we want to equip them by providing training and resources for them to be those primary disciple makers. Number two, we want to encourage them by mobilizing parents and inviting them to join us sometimes they think that truly it is those professionals that know better. And we just have to tell them over and over again, you are irreplaceable. We cannot do what you are already doing. And we shouldn’t try but we should do everything alongside you to build you up into love on your kids as the church. And then finally, to empower to push through some walls to kick through some doors for families to serve. Together. These are ideas that hope that you will consider as well as you are forming what it looks like in your personal life and in your local church for the home and the church to work together. Here’s the big idea of this segment. We need a vibrant partnership between the home and the church to help our kids trust and follow Jesus. He is our only true hope in this wilderness. Thank you.