Front Row Seat: Navigating Sunday Mornings

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Kristen Wetherell
Well, Kari, you know that Brad and I have two little kids. And one more on the way. So it’s a full life, you remember that when your kids are little. And, man, the start of this year was unbelievable. I felt like, I think we were sick six times in the first three months. So one of my daughter, you know, my daughter is school aged. And that’s just the time of life when you’re sick a lot. And it’s was very humbling. And so what did that mean, for Sunday mornings, it meant I was home with them. And not at church, not worshiping next to my husband. And after a few weeks of this, I, I really noticed the bitterness that was weighing on my heart. And not only that, but the loneliness that comes with feeling isolated, and knowing the high calling of motherhood was good, but really struggling and longing to be with my church family again. And I think over time, God was really gracious, you know, revealing to me that we get this, this front row seat to the high calling of Christ, to serve his church in a particular way, right and a sacrifice in a particular way as pastors wives. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sunday mornings can be difficult and stretching. And yet we know that they’re a privilege from the Lord and a trust from him.

Kari Olson
Kristen, that is such a familiar scenario. And it really is the reason why we wanted to give attention to this topic today. Sunday morning.

Kristen Wetherell
That’s right. Yeah. And you and I are both pastors wives. At the same church, we are serving the orchard in Chicagoland at two different congregations. You’ve been married to your husband, Tom, for 18 years, we’ve had the joy of walking with you guys, for many years of that. And I’ve been a pastor’s wife for eight years. And so we know this road we and yet we also have so much to learn about what it looks like to be faithful to God here. I think both of us would say that we need encouragement, to keep our eyes fixed on Christ to keep looking to Christ, as we serve our churches and our husbands as well.

Kari Olson
It’s true. And that’s why we’ve really enjoyed talking with other pastors wives in this series in this space I’m so thankful for for this time. So our guest today as we talk about Sunday morning and the pastor’s wife is Jen Carter. Jen is married to Dr. Matt Carter, and they have been serving the Lord for 30 years in Texas. Jen, welcome to front row seat conversations of encouragement for pastors wives by pastors wives. We are so happy to have you with us.

Jen Carter
Thank you so much, Kari. Thank you. I’m excited to be here.

Kari Olson
Wonderful. Well, before we get started, would you tell us a little bit about your family and what ministry looks like for you guys these days?

Jen Carter
Yes, absolutely. So I’ve been married to my amazing has been for 26 years. We just celebrated our 26 year anniversary in August. We have three kids, our oldest is 22. He is a senior at Texas a&m University hoping to attend med school after this year, which so that’s been a journey for him and for us as well. It’s just been fun. Our daughter is in Arkansas. She’s in Fayetteville and I’m also attending college. She’s 20. And then our baby our youngest, Sammy is 17 He’s here. It we’re in Houston right now. And he’s attending high school playing football, all that fun stuff. So we, I guess, you know, like you said, we’ve been in in ministry for 2829 30 years, somewhere around there. And our initial, you know, years were in youth ministry, which might that’s huge on my heart. I still serve our students, where we are now and then we spent 18 years in Austin. We planted awesome stone Community Church. And then I guess about two and a half years ago, were called to Houston to transition. A church that had been pastored by the same man for 53 years he had founded the church and and so we came actually in the middle of COVID To say both sage Mont and Austin Stone were were shut down in the midst of that transition. And so that was, as you guys know, was just kind of a crazy time. And then just recently, literally this past Sunday, Matt retired as a lead pastor, he is transitioning still in ministry still staying in ministry, but he is had the summer gone through a lot of health issues with his heart and just realize that the stress of like you guys know of that every day, leading and pastoring a church was just something that his body was not able to sustain. So So yeah, we are we are transitioning into that role. We’re excited for all that the Lord has but man Sunday morning, we just Yeah, I think we woke up at 430. You just hold each other, just kind of crying with this, with this heart of, of gratitude of the last, you know, 30 years and, gosh, I’m getting choked up, but I’m excited for what he has. But yeah, just kind of grieving that season. Yeah.

Kari Olson
So that’s where we are.

Kristen Wetherell
And thank you so much for sharing that with us. And, you know, if you’re watching this listening to this, and Jen and Dr. Matt are on your hearts, please pray for them, and lift them to the Lord. So thanks, Jen for sharing that. Yes, absolutely. Transition is, it’s hard. It’s hard, even though it’s necessary and good. It’s hard. And so you know, Sunday mornings, man, you guys have had a lot of Sunday mornings, then a lot of a lot to reminisce over a lot to think about and remember and also anticipate, and Sunday mornings can be hard for pastors wives. So what is it? What is it supposed to be? What is God’s intention? What is the goal of Sunday mornings? A little bit about that? Jen?

Jen Carter
Sure. Sure. I mean, I think for all of us, you know, it’s time to come together as a church family, as a body of believers, to worship the Lord, you know, together to encourage each other by seeing psalms and hymns and to, to learn from the word and just be encouraged. Yeah, so just a day to focus on him. And kind of a celebration of the week, you know, just coming together and that overflow of hopefully time that we’ve spent with the Lord throughout the week.

Kari Olson
So when your husband is also the pastor, I mean, that is that it’s such a unique place to be to come to Sunday morning and and worship there. But how is that different than for the for the pastor’s wife? What challenges?

Jen Carter
Yeah, I think, you know, I think for, for the pastor, and for the pastor’s wife, and really the pastor’s family. It’s not just Sunday. There’s a lot of preparation beforehand. There’s a lot of recovery after that goes in and as a pastor’s wife, just just wanting to be that helpmate for your spouse wanting to help on the front end of that, like making sure he has the time and the space to prepare the message. Also an understanding that when there’s there’s a weightiness of spiritual warfare, a lot of times that happens, Kristin, you mentioned having your kids sick for six weeks in a row. I remember those days so well. And, or, or, you know, your husband’s preaching on marriage, and you have the biggest fight. You know, right before there’s just always this. I know that, that you guys, just me, you’re on the front row. You’ve got a lot of eyes on you. There’s Yes. You know, you they talk about us living in a fishbowl and yeah, so there’s just a lot of external things as well, that go go on. Yeah.

Kristen Wetherell
I appreciate you saying that. It’s not just Sunday. Right? There is so much leading up to Sunday. And then even after Sunday, you know, my husband takes Monday’s off and it’s interesting, just having the day after just feeling that right in that, you know, trying to find rest. So so let’s talk about that a little bit. Because for most people, not for everyone, but for most people Sunday’s are a day of rest, right? It’s a day of worship. It’s very set apart for that. And yet it’s a work day for our husbands and hopefully also Day a day of worship for them. That’s what we pray for them and for their hearts. But in that way, we’re on as well. It’s a it’s a work day and a day of of service in a different sense for us to. So how have you and and Matt kept that from becoming Sunday’s in particular from becoming, you know, a rat race or disappointing because it’s just hard when you feel like I can’t just go to church right and, and receive not that we’re consumers, but we are the ones pouring out. Right, our husbands are the ones pouring out. So how have you guys done that? Because that’s difficult sometimes.

Jen Carter
Yes, absolutely difficult. And, you know, there’s been certain seasons, I remember, in the early days of Austin Stone, you know, he had ramped up to four sermons, you know, for, for services on a Sunday, two in the morning, two in the evening. And, you know, by the end of the day, He’s drooling shirt just wiped out, they say, one sermon is like running a marathon. So like, four marathons one day. And so yeah, I think it’s definitely difficult to, to just keep that day holy, what we have done is really, like you mentioned, Monday be in your day of rest, and just incorporated that as our Sabbath. Like, we know that we’re going to be pouring out and it’s just a different role. On Sundays, while we are worshiping the Lord together, like we also need that that day of rest is just to have that rhythm is so important. Like, that’s how God designed us. And so, and I think, for our kids to like, modeling and speaking about the importance of, for them, especially as they’re transitioning into adult life, like, having, like, reminding them like, this is a command of the Lord to keep it, you know, keep the holy and so just yeah, just remembering that.

Kristen Wetherell
Yeah, and I think so good for our kids to know, too, that as much as we love the Lord, and we love his people and serving his church, that we do have other aspects of life that we need to protect. And that includes our refreshment and our rest. And that’s really helpful for me to hear. That’s great, thank you.

Kari Olson
So, because of that, because it is a different sort of mourning for the pastor and his family. And then for the pastor’s wife, sometimes I can feel like it is a day of worship for everyone except me, if I have things going on, or I have to be, you know, aware of people and you know, make sure my husband is ready, and my family is there on time. It can feel like a day of worship for everyone except me. How do you How would you encourage us to combat that negativity? Those those thoughts, you know, that bitterness, maybe that that sets in? Have you experienced that?

Jen Carter
I think there have definitely been times just saying bitterness, I know, you know, there are times when there’s that a situation with some people that maybe that have been critical of your husband or that sort of thing, and, and, you know, walking in on a Sunday morning, that that can be difficult. And also to like you said, you know, especially in the days when my kids were little, making sure we showed up on time, which you know, I’ve kind of let myself off the hook because, of course your kids going to have the blowout, you know, five minutes for you have to leave you got to change your clothes, all that kind of stuff. But, but to I think reminding our kids, that the calling of our of our husband and our family. Wow is just what a privilege, what an honor, that he we get to support that, you know, I get to support my husband in this role that God’s called him to that he is, but he’s sharing the gospel. He’s God is using him to change lives and as well. And so really just thinking on it, just like the word says in Philippians, thinking on what is right, what is true. What is honorable was pure, what is lovely what’s praiseworthy and excellent, like allowing your mind to dwell on those things. And just having that heart of gratitude. I think, for me, just combat The negativity or the bitterness is just really focusing on look at what an honor what a privilege it is that that God has, has chosen us, you know, and who are we that he’s called us, but yet we get to step in and and yeah, just serve Him in in this way. Right.

Kari Olson
I can imagine confession is a part of that. For you to have that part of gratitude. I need to

Jen Carter
write the Oh, yes, absolutely. Yeah, I always say, Yeah, mark of a true Christian is not perfection. It’s repentance. Yeah, over and over and over again, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Kari Olson
Well, do you have any, anything that worked well, for you, especially when you had younger children, but I’m even thinking teenagers. I have teenagers now. And it’s sometimes hard to even get them out of the house and untime for Sunday morning, do you have any practical tips or things that that worked for you and your family? As you were hustling everyone to church?

Jen Carter
Yes, yes. So my, thankfully, all mine are driving now. So we take separate cars like this up there late now. It’s like, it’s on them, you know? And if I’m late, it’s on me, unfortunately. But yeah, I think, man, just especially for those young moms, I would just say, give yourself grace, man, it’s, it’s okay. If your kids show up without shoes. It’s you know, it’s, it’s okay, if you’re late, like, let let yourself off the hook. Like we are not, sometimes we feel this need to, you know, be the perfect wife, or the imperfect, or, you know, pastor’s wife or whatever. And we’re just human, we’re like everybody else. And so to give yourself grace, and that and, and not allow those things to, to kind of get you off off track just to fix your eyes on Jesus. Remember, you know, the reason why we’re coming together and, and let yourself off the hook on those on those things that don’t go right. Because everything, you know, it’s not always gonna go right. So,

Kari Olson
yeah, right. Yeah, it’s very true. Oh, I

Kristen Wetherell
need to hear that so badly. This morning, I feel that I feel like, I feel that pressure most weeks is just, I don’t know what it is. It’s just this idea that somehow, I don’t know, the pastor’s wife has to pull it together. And that is not the Christian life. That is not the message of the gospel. And so combining that with like, what you’re saying, whatever is true, think about those things. That’s really helpful for me to hear. So that’s one challenge that we can face on Sunday mornings. Is this combating this idea that we have to like have it all together? Which is not true? I’m thinking of other challenges that we might face on Sunday mornings. I can tend to turn very inward on Sunday mornings, what do I need? What do my kids need and kind of like, he’ll be okay, my husband will be okay. He’s, you know, God’s got this, he’s got this. And that’s true. But the challenge of prioritizing our husbands, I think can be kind of tough sometimes, and really seeing them and valuing them and putting ourselves in their shoes. So I think about that challenge, I think about the desire to connect well with people. And sometimes feeling you know, spread very thin there on Sunday mornings, especially when you have kids really requiring your attention. So we’ve mentioned worshiping Jesus from our hearts, and not just as a formality. Could you speak into a couple of these, Jen and just give us some counsel on this channel?

Jen Carter
Absolutely, absolutely. A huge passion of mine, I think, is to encourage pastors wives to just love their husbands. Well, you know, we talked a little bit I mentioned a little bit just criticize, you know, when when they’re criticized or when it Gosh, that for some reason, sometimes that that roll of pasture people almost think of them as, as superhuman or, you know, like, they don’t realize that just the complaining and that sort of thing can Can, can wear on them and, you know, criticism and so, for a wife like you don’t want to be another voice that is criticizing. You don’t want to be another voice, but remembering like, I can speak words of life into my husband, you know, our Words have the power of life and death. And I don’t want my words to also be that you know, and I say that they also get a lot of praise, you know, they get, they get kind of both sides of it and just being that you’re your husband’s biggest prayer warrior, your husband’s biggest cheerleader, encourage her. really providing a place in your home for that to be a haven for them a refuge. And just remembering like, like, that is you are the only wife to your pastor. And I’m saying, like, You are the only person that can fulfill that role in his life. And sometimes that means like, setting aside ministry, in order to minister to your to your husband, you know, our first calling is as a child of God, you know, that our second is as our, our, our husbands wife. And so just remembering that and always prioritizing that even above, you know, your kids and anything else that kind of comes in the way that because like you said, sometimes you’re like, Oh, that’ll be fine. I can do all of these other things. You’re saying yes to all of these other things, not realizing that, that yes to this is a no to two, maybe that the thing that you need to do most so. Right. Does that make sense?

Kari Olson
That’s really that’s very helpful. Because, yes, I can also I can feel like you said, Kristen, and feel a little independent, like, Okay, you do your thing. I’ll do my thing. We will, you know, divide and conquer. But thank you for mentioning and encouraging us to to prioritize him. And it’s not, it’s not about us, I always need someone to encourage me. It’s not about you, Carrie, you know, you can hear on Sunday morning is a big deal, that he is doing what he is doing and and I want to be his biggest cheerleader in that prayer support are encouraged or thank you for saying that. Well, you know, like you said, you want to encourage pastors wives, and we want to we eat that up, we want encouragement. What would you say to the pastor’s wife who feels dry and passionless on Sunday morning? She’s just coming. She’s just going through the motions, it’s a dry season for her. What would you say to her? What hope does she have?

Jen Carter
First of all, I will say I am so sorry. I’ve been there. And that’s not a fun place to be. And And oftentimes, there’s a lot of things underneath that, that has caused that season. And so I’m just sorry for any kind of hurt any, anything that that you’ve experienced that has caused those feelings. I would say that, man, a lot of times, church and time in the Word, that sort of thing can become a checklist. You know, like we talked about being being the perfect pastor’s wife and reach Bible, gotta go to church, that sort of thing. But, man, Jesus just wants to love you. And a Sunday morning, like we talked about to it’s a combination of Monday through Saturday. And I would just encourage you to set aside the list, the checklist, whatever, and just sit at the feet of Jesus, and allow him to love you. My word for the year, I always like to have a word for the year. And out of Scripture, my word this year is satisfy. And it’s out of Psalm 90, verse 14, it says, satisfy us in the morning, with a loving kindness, that we may sing for joy, and be glad all our days. And I would just encourage you just like he just wants to love you. Just sit, sit with him and allow him to like satisfy the deepest parts of your soul. Let me just sing over you and rejoice over you because He loves you so much. And let that begin to just soften your heart again, warm, warm this places in you.

Kristen Wetherell
Thank you. Yeah. That’s the most important thing that could be said. Much. Yeah. Well, Jen, your wisdom has been so helpful to us. And it’s so wonderful hearing from a pastor’s wife who has walked this road for about 30 years. And just seeing the faithfulness of God in that to you and to your husband. And we know that he will continue to be faithful to you guys as you enter this next Chapter. So we’re excited for you. We anticipate that alongside you, and we thank you for your time. Jen, thank you so much.

Jen Carter
Thank you.

Kristen Wetherell
Thank you.

Kari Olson
Well, Kristen, it was so good to hear from Jen, a seasoned pastor’s wife who can speak so joyfully into a subject like Sunday morning, which I know I can still feel like it’s a little hairy. We’re still getting our footing, even after 15 years in the ministry with Tom and my kids. And so I was, I was really, really encouraged even just by her demeanor, talking about the the heart of worship, the watt of worship, you know, it is the Lord and our service, our main service, being our husbands really on Sunday mornings, that we can be that encouraging voice in his life and that safe space for him. Really, really so many helpful things. One thing I do need to, to carry with me through the week is that heart of gratitude, so that on Sunday morning, I’m not rushing too quickly have a heart of gratitude. But I built into my Sunday morning worship all throughout the week. That’s what she said, it’s a culmination of the weeks worship really, between me and the Lord was so helpful, and something I definitely want to be more disciplined on. Yeah, in my time.

Kristen Wetherell
No, I agree with that. I think, as human beings and as fallen human beings, it’s easy to focus on what’s hard, right? And yes, what we could complain about. But what a privilege, what a high calling this is. And something that not everyone gets to do. Right, you know, and so what does that look like even to be asking God to help us just to be preparing our hearts for Sunday morning? Throughout the week? And I think that’s where, what Jen said about letting Jesus love us comes in. Because that’s, that’s a daily abiding, right, that’s, that’s something that we want to be doing. We want to be enjoying him and resting in Him, not just on Sunday mornings, but Right, every single day of our lives, right. So that was really helpful to me. Something else that she said that struck me was something to the effect of you are like your husband’s only wife, or you are the only wife to your husband, right? There are so many other people coming alongside him, whether it’s other pastors or staff or people from the congregation, brothers and sisters in Christ, but I’m his only wife. And I, I know that but I just had thought about it that way. I was like, Wow, that’s so wonderful. And, yeah. And, Lord, how would you use that perspective to help me? Bill, build him up and see him? You know? Yeah, so I think let’s just leave with the verse that Jen shared, which I love. It’s one of my favorite verses, from Psalm 90, verse 14, satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. That’s the whole point is to be satisfied by Jesus and, and to come to worship with that heart of worship, whether it’s an easier day or a harder day, to let him love us and to pour out praise and adoration and response. Yeah.

Kari Olson
Yes, I couldn’t agree more. And to our sisters with a front row seat. God sees you. He sees you on Sunday mornings, and we can trust that he has good things in store for us there. Thank you for being with us today.

Kristen Wetherell
Thanks, friends.