Perhaps more than ever before, people are asking the question “What does it mean to be a man (or to be a woman)?” While many in society are unwilling to give a straightforward answer, some of us within conservative Christian circles jump to oversimplified definitions. I’ve heard it a thousand times in a variety of versions: “I tell my kids that girls grow up to be moms and boys grow up to be dads.” While statements like that are correct in part, they’re incomplete—and even misleading.
Widely in Christian evangelical literature and teaching, we’ve defined gender (who men and women are) by focusing on biological sex (men and women’s physical differences) or gender roles (what men and women do functionally). In our desire to uphold the dignity and distinction of the genders, we’ve oversimplified our understanding. We’ve defined what it means to be a woman as merely being biologically female (physical) or being/having the potential to be a wife, mother, and follower of male leadership (roles/functions).
I fully recognize biological sex and gender aren’t synonymous. In today’s culture, the two terms refer to different concepts. Biological sex references the binary physical difference between males and females observed in our bodies and DNA. Gender is typically used to reference cultural expressions of masculinity and femininity or a perceived “gender identity” along a spectrum of expression.
But in God’s good design for humanity, there’s a deep interconnection between the physical (body) and nonphysical (soul) aspects of us as embodied people. Both our physical and nonphysical aspects are gendered together. This means our genders are neither skin deep nor relegated to our minds. We’re gendered people, all the way down.
Why can’t we define gender according to roles?
What it means to be men and women isn’t the same thing as the roles for men and women. The innate nature of men and women cannot be defined by functions. In fact, the roles defined in Scripture are descriptive, illustrative, limited, and temporary. Roles like prophet, priest, and king (in the Old Testament) and elder/pastor and husband (in the New Testament) serve as temporary pointers to Christ and will ultimately be fulfilled in him.
What is the gender question really asking?
More than asking for role distinctions between men and women, the gender question is fundamentally asking “What does it mean to be human as a man (or as a woman)?” We must answer the ontological question of our innate nature rather than our functions.
Which aspects are the same between men and women?
A survey of Scripture reveals many aspects of humankind’s innate nature, most of which are the same for men and women. I’d summarize these shared aspects as our purpose, mandate, and virtues.
The innate nature of men and women cannot be defined by functions.
At creation, God clearly designed humanity in his image and as male and female (Gen. 1:26–27). Both males and females share the purpose of glorifying God as his image-bearers. They were also given the same mandate to multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it (v. 28). This mandate was expanded, though not replaced, by Jesus’s command to go and make disciples of the nations (Matt. 28:18–20). Men and women clearly share the mandate to physically and spiritually multiply and fill the earth.
Additionally, all people share the same virtues, or qualities commanded by God and desirable for a fruitful life (e.g., fruit of the Spirit, spiritual giftings, the Beatitudes). Our shared virtues include any biblical characteristics that enhance or support the qualities of flourishing, such as wisdom (Prov. 1:1–7), courage (Josh. 1:9), and nurturing (Eph. 6:4). These virtues are faith-based and gender-indiscriminate; they’re demanded of and available to all believers.
Which aspects are distinct between men and women?
Yet God’s design for people does include some clear distinctions between genders. These differences can be summarized as type and expression. God created two types (male and female) of one kind (humanity). God’s intended distinction between the two types is evidenced by their distinct formations (Gen. 2:7, 21–22). Made in the same image, of the same kind, and of the same constitution, the man and the woman were formed separately. They’re not the same and aren’t interchangeable. Our biological differences signify—but don’t epitomize—this distinction of type because we’re more than our biology. Type includes both the physical and nonphysical aspects of who we are.
The distinction of expression signifies that the perspective and method of living out the shared properties (purpose, mandate, and virtues) are often different for men and women.
Historically, the various disciplines of science and philosophy have recognized men and women generally think and behave differently—though successfully naming the differences has been consistently impossible. Male and female expression cannot be defined universally. Rather, gender-typical expression falls on a context-defined spectrum. That means typical behavior for men and women varies across time and cultures.
While the spectrum of expression is broad, Scripture does provide clear guide rails. The scriptural limitations for the spectrum of gender expression seem to be the willful act to disregard one’s gender in an effort to be seen as, or identified with, the other gender type (Deut. 22:5). God’s apparent concern isn’t with defining female and male expression of the shared properties (purpose, mandate, and virtues). Rather, God’s concern seems to be with a woman intentionally behaving as a man (or with a man intentionally behaving as a woman) in order to be identified as a man (or as a woman).
The same principle would apply to those attempting to blur or hide the reality of their own gender (i.e., androgyny or gender fluidity). Whether or not her expression is typical for her context, a woman’s gendered expression must reflect her creation as the female type and her acceptance of being a woman (and vice versa for a man). It’s only within the context of expression that the discussion of roles and functions becomes relevant, as part of reflecting our gender includes accepting any gender-specific roles dictated in Scripture (whether in the home or in the church).
To summarize, gender refers to the two types of humankind—male and female—who share purpose, mandate, and virtues but who differ in their expression. In God’s design for humankind, the two types possess many uniformities and few distinctions and are complementary to each other.
Did you just use a spectrum to answer the gender question?
No. Let’s be clear: gender is binary. There are only two types of humans—male and female. But our expression of gender does fall on a spectrum. In every context, there are male-typical expressions of the shared properties. Every man in that context expresses his genderedness (maleness) along that spectrum of typical and nontypical behavior.
Let’s be clear: gender is binary. But our expression of gender does fall on a spectrum.
For example, as believers we’re all called to gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit at work in our lives. Male-typical expression of gentleness in my context is characterized by being kind-hearted, quiet-natured, and even accommodating. By contrast, a nontypical male expression of gentleness might be physical affection, tenderness, and high emotional intelligence.
Male-typical and female-typical expressions fall on two different spectrums. Therefore, there’d also be a separate spectrum for the female expression of the shared properties in every context. In both cases, the outer bounds of the spectrums are the willful intention of using nontypical expressions to be perceived as the opposite gender or to blur one’s gender.
How do we explain gender to our kids?
Explaining gender to our kids has become increasingly difficult and controversial. Considering a definition grounded in innate nature, we should answer their questions with these starting points:
- Being a man means living out your God-given purpose, mandate, and virtues as a man.
- Being a woman means living out your God-given purpose, mandate, and virtues as a woman.
Then we ought to emphasize the following aspects as foundational to gender—of course, adjusting the language for the child’s age and understanding:
- When God made people, God made boys (men) and girls (women). God made only two types of people: boys and girls.
- Boys and girls are the same in a lot of ways; both are equally special and important to God and to God’s plan. God has given us the same purpose and the same commands to glorify him.
- Boys and girls are different in some ways. Some of those differences are evident in your body. Our bodies point to some of the ways boys and girls are suited to help each other (complementarity).
- Boys and girls are different in some nonphysical ways. We often participate in God’s plan in different ways—how we worship God, how we follow God’s instructions, or how we love each other.
- For older kids: We can’t define gender by what you do or what you like. Some behaviors and tendencies are typical for boys and girls, but they’re not the defining standards. For example, girls are typically more social and relational than boys their age. Not sharing some of the traits that are typical for your gender doesn’t mean you don’t fit your gender. You’re still 100 percent a girl even if you like playing sports more than talking to your friends.
- God cares that you accept how he made you—not that you act like all the other boys (or girls) around you.
Though the differences in what men and women do are helpful visual clues for gender distinction, roles cannot sufficiently replace defining the innate nature of being a man or a woman. Similarly, our physical bodies point to our distinctions but don’t define them.
Whether we’re having conversations about gender with our colleagues or our kids, we need a better answer than anatomical differences and temporary job descriptions. Let’s point them to God’s good design, recognizing both the binarity and nuance of living as men and women in God’s plan.