Contemporary narratives around motherhood can be discouraging. Social media seems to suggest moms can’t shower, do a serious Bible study, or go on a run. It’s normal and expected to hide in the closet from our kids. And since we’re all overwhelmed with mothering anyway, we might as well have a glass of wine at 3:00 p.m.
But at the same time, glamorous Instagram mom influencers seem to slip back into their pre-baby jeans 30 seconds after delivery and effortlessly run successful businesses. The expectation to do it all and get it all “right” can feel overwhelming as we scroll through post after post of the latest advice:
- Are you getting “me time”? It’s so important not to lose yourself.
- If you parent like a Mayan, your kids will always be helpful and resourceful.
- Don’t praise your kids too much.
- Praise them more!
- Make sure your child gets into the right preschool.
- Buy organic or your children will have all sorts of health problems.
The New York Times recently reported on studies finding that modern parents are far more overwhelmed physically, mentally, and emotionally than their parents or grandparents were. One interviewee said she chose to have one child instead of three like her own mother to ensure she had enough resources for things like “activities and tutoring.” In January, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new census data that “showed a sharp decline in fertility rates in recent years, with most women having an average of 1.3 babies and an increasing percentage giving birth at age 35 or older.”
Our Narratives Matter
It seems more and more women (like me) are feeling discouraged about parenting. I desperately want to have it all together and raise well-adjusted kids who become happy, healthy, successful adults. But sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I want to retreat into the pantry with a chocolate bar. (Especially when all three of my kids get the stomach bug on the same night. Rest in peace, downstairs rug.)
Of course, motherhood is hard and, in some cases, deeply painful. It’s right, good, and wise to share our struggles openly and honestly with one another, especially in the body of Christ. It’d be folly to pretend that we’ve mastered mothering or that our kids escaped original sin.
However, many of our taglines overemphasize the pain of motherhood to the exclusion of the delight. We stress how being a mom is so hard, overwhelming, frustrating, and painful. If we’re not careful, we can begin to sound like we’re equating motherhood with martyrdom. But the Bible speaks of motherhood as a gift, a crown, and a joy.
Many of our taglines overemphasize the pain of motherhood to the exclusion of the delight.
Moms Need a Better Story
Our success or sacrifice in motherhood shouldn’t be what defines our narrative. What ought to captivate our hearts and minds is a story—one not ultimately about us but about Christ our Redeemer.
As a Christian, I need to understand I’m not the hero or the center of my story. The saddest part of my story isn’t that I’m overwhelmed, taken for granted, and spit up on. The saddest part of my story is that I was dead in my sins. The climax of my story isn’t how I overcame challenges so my child could graduate with honors. The climax of my story is that my Savior was obedient to the point of death to ransom a people for himself.
Seeing Jesus as the hero of the story takes the focus—and pressure—off my success or sacrifice in mothering. Instead of needing to prove to myself or anyone else that I’m crushing it, I can be captivated by what Christ accomplished and what he sacrificed. And I can follow his lead by seeking, through his grace, to live a holy and sacrificial life for him. When Christ is ever before me, when my story is a part of his story, grumbling and complaining seem less inevitable.
The saddest part of my story isn’t that I’m overwhelmed, taken for granted, and spit up on. The saddest part of my story is that I was dead in my sins.
And here’s the beautiful thing—when I don’t complain but instead think of ways to give thanks in all circumstances, my story of motherhood ceases to be an endless list of frustrations like the spilled milk, everyone screaming, the poop on my shirt, or my husband coming home late from work.
It instead sounds like the hymn “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” as I see the Lord’s kindness in the smile of my clapping baby or in the sweet victory of a creative workout with the kids even though Daddy had to work late to provide for us. When I’m compelled by the narrative of Scripture to look to Christ and obey him, life is more meaningful—and the same circumstances can seem lovelier.
Jesus Offers Us Rest
I agree with the New York Times article that the modern, secular pressures of parenting make it more stressful than it was for previous generations. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that plummeting birth rates have accompanied plummeting church attendance.
To our overwhelmed and anxious generation of mothers, the Lord tenderly says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt. 11:28–30).
I’m a terrible hero, and I was never meant to be in charge. I need to stop focusing on myself and my circumstances and instead focus on Christ. Motherhood isn’t the worst. It’s a precious gift given to us by our sovereign Lord. Let’s adore him and let him define our narrative.