What Kind of Moms Are We Supposed to Be?

Over the last decade, the two of us have embarked on journeys to understand what a good mom really is. If you’re familiar with our ministry, Risen Motherhood, you might know that as sisters-in-law and friends, we talked regularly in the little years, discussing our everyday experiences as new moms.

While we asked each other questions about how God’s Word applied to first foods, naptime routines, and work, we didn’t realize we were asking something even deeper. Ten years into our motherhood journeys, our deepest questions started to crystallize—we didn’t want to know only what to do in motherhood but who to be.

Fill-in-the-Blank Mom

We’ve seen moms try to answer this question in a myriad of ways. (And of course, we’ve done it too.) It’s like we imagine a blank line before the word “mom,” and then we fill in that blank with something that feels like a fit. The thought process, though often subconscious and complex, might cycle through subcultures and stereotypes: homesteading mom, urban mom, overseas-missionary mom, crunchy mom, gentle-parenting mom, homeschool mom, empowered mom, trendy mom, influencer mom, stay-at-home mom, career mom, chill mom, clean-living mom, I-do-what-I-want mom, you-can’t-put-me-in-a-box mom, and so on.

We didn’t want to know only what to do in motherhood but who to be.

Deep down, it seems like if we can find the right word to fill in the blank, it’ll shore up our wavering hearts and give us the assurance we need that we’re doing motherhood “right.” We think if we get the right picture, we’ll have a model. And if we have a model, there can be a handbook. And a handbook means we can finally have a formula for motherhood, erasing (or at least easing) our role’s questions, fears, and ambiguities. A tangible model for motherhood means we can be a little more sure we’re doing it “right” and have a measuring stick to check our progress.

But here’s the catch—no matter how much we try to model ourselves after a certain type of mom, we’ll never execute it perfectly. We’ll fall short and won’t keep up in certain areas. Or life will hand us trials, sorrows, and circumstances we never expected and that don’t fit the mold we were trying to fit ourselves into. For a time, we might hold it all together according to our cultural model, but even that can lead to a smug and judgmental attitude as we puff ourselves up for finding “the one right way.” Eventually, we find we’re still not happy with the mom we are, and we’re left longing and questioning.

Our bent to fill in the space before “mom” is a good one. There’s a word that can fill in the blank, and it’s probably not the word you’ve been searching for—gospel.

Gospel Mom

The purpose of our motherhood is ultimately rooted in God and his good design. It’s not about us; it’s about him. As women created in God’s image, we exist to “glorify God and enjoy him forever.” We do that first and foremost by acknowledging the “bad news” that we’re sinners who fall short of God’s glory and have no ability to accomplish this purpose by ourselves. Then, by believing and confessing the gospel or “good news” that Jesus Christ came to save sinners through his life, death, and resurrection, we’re made new.

Knowing Christ changes everything about who we are and how we live, including our motherhood. It isn’t just about one moment in history where Jesus hung on a cross; it encapsulates a story we’re invited to be part of, and it gives us answers to our deepest longings and questions.

Knowing Christ changes everything about who we are and how we live, including our motherhood.

As the gospel compels us to look to Christ, we learn who we are, who we need, and who we should be. We start to understand our past and look forward to our future. We discover where we can get life, hope, help, joy, peace, rest, love, comfort, strength, and so much more. Our identities are secured so that no matter what happens to us or how we stumble, we’re safely bound to Christ, all the way through, until we reach home.

Mom, God does have a person he wants you to model your life after, and that person is his Son, Jesus Christ. God doesn’t give you a formula or a precise point-by-point, product-by-product guide for every minor decision in motherhood, but he does give you his Word, with the instructions you need to walk wisely through your unique motherhood journey. God doesn’t leave you to figure it all out on your own. He gives you his Spirit (and the church) to empower, help, and guide you along the way.