American History Shows Christian Parents Need Both Grace and Truth

Some may wonder at the subtitle of David Setran’s Christian Parenting: Wisdom and Perspectives from American History and ask, “Why should I read up on parenting in American history?” But a quick skim of the book’s chapters shows us there’s much to glean from this well-written catalog of the sins, failures, and successes of past generations.  

As I began reading Setran’s book, I hoped his review of historical time periods would uncover the secret to successful parenting. But what I discovered, and should’ve expected, was the renewed realization there’s no secret to parenting success. Parents, grandparents, and children in every age are sinners, and we all face trials designed to draw us to God, who’s the true help in parenting. 

Early in Setran’s book, he describes his goal: “While Christian parenting advice books abound, few have looked to the wisdom and perspectives of the past to inform the ways contemporary parents think about Christian nurture in the home” (3). The book primarily covers the colonial era (1620–1770) and the Victorian era (1830–90). After this historical review, Setran—a professor at Wheaton College—brings us to the present with a survey of and encouragements for 20th-century parenting in light of the previous periods. 

Though Setran’s book covers 300 years, it focuses on a narrow demographic and body of research. Setran limited his study to “parenting advice literature,” which resulted in a chiefly white, northern, educated, and Protestant perspective. Surely the study of southern or minority Christian families could’ve enhanced the lessons. 

Colonial Families: Rigor Without Grace 

Setran argues most colonial parenting was characterized by didactic rigor and strict discipline. Parents of the period typically “emphasized content-heavy household religious practices” and held a strong emphasis on evangelizing sinful children and warning them of the “perils of eternal damnation” (202). 

Colonial parents ‘emphasized content-heavy household religious practices’ and held a strong emphasis on evangelizing sinful children and warning them of the ‘perils of eternal damnation.’

Pastors of the time urged parents to be priests and prophets in their homes, praying both for and with their children. Family worship included morning and evening prayer, reading Scripture, memorizing catechisms, and singing.

As rulers of their households, colonial parents also maintained strict discipline through verbal rebuke and corporal punishment. The warnings often appeared harsh. Parents were to tell their wayward children they’d approve of their eternal judgment if they didn’t repent, “with the parent’s tears serving as the oil which would make the flames of hell burn hotter” (35). Looking back, it’s clear the colonials failed to model God’s fatherly kindness (Ps. 103). The results were poor. 

Setran observes how in 1750, Jonathan Edwards lamented the failures of colonial youth. He spoke of their sinful conduct on the Sabbath, saying the practice of “going to the tavern and into frolics” had turned the day into “a play day, a day of drinking and company-keeping,” and he condemned a growing disregard for sexual purity (89). It’s no surprise parenting heavy on law and light on grace didn’t always produce good fruit. 

Victorian Era: Grace Without Truth 

Victorian-era parents, by contrast, mostly rejected much of the colonial days’ key emphases. Victorians “tended to downplay conversion, doctrinal teaching, and worship practices while calling attention to the larger rhythms of the home and the impressions surrounding the child” (116). Homes became more child centered, and with more fathers working outside the home, there was a growing emphasis on the role of the mother in creating a home culture of love and acceptance.

The writings of this time seem blasphemous when compared to the colonial period’s biblical emphasis. One leading figure of the era, Horace Bushnell, described the house as “having a domestic Spirit of grace dwelling in it.” He said it “should become the church of childhood, the table and hearth of holy rite, and [its] life an element of saving power.” As a result, homes in the Victorian era demonstrated a great measure of compassion but without the saving power of the gospel (171). 

Best of Both 

I recommend Christian Parenting for parents and pastors interested in exploring how today’s parenting philosophies find their roots in our past.

You’ll benefit most from the wisdom of Setran’s final encouragements. He tells parents to hold the best of both the colonial and Victorian visions together. He writes, “While nineteenth-century authors tended to focus more on God’s work through natural parent-child interactions and colonial pastors tended to highlight God’s supernatural work through Scripture, doctrine, and spiritual experiences, both are actually critical” (224).  

And yet, Setran tells us, the differences between the two eras can teach us some lessons. First, the shift between the two time periods can alert contemporary parents to the “pendulum swings” in parenting from one period to another (225). Second, we learn, “The power of parenting must sit alongside the pervasive power of God to work in the child’s life, driving parents to their knees in dependence on his power and grace” (227). 

The power of parenting must sit alongside the pervasive power of God to work in the child’s life, driving parents to their knees in dependence on his power and grace.

This second point is one I’ve learned in my own parenting journey. I went into parenting with no small measure of self-righteousness, wanting to become the model parent. It didn’t take long for the Lord to cut me down at the knees and help me see I can’t change my children’s hearts. As Paul taught, “Neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth” (1 Cor. 3:7). 

Amid my parenting trials, I discovered God didn’t want me to parent standing up but on my knees. While I trained a child in the way he should go, the Lord was training dad in the way he should go. That’s a reality parents in every era must learn again and again.